


Like A Dance

by Amarissia



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarissia/pseuds/Amarissia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A five-part series. A terrible trauma alters Zack Fair's life forever, and shakes the bond of trust he shares with his mentor. Rated serious M.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like A Dance

**LIKE A DANCE  
Part One of the "Like A Dance" Series**

 

Sometimes Lazard told himself he went along with this just so he could keep a watchful eye on Genesis. After all, Lazard was widely thought of as a kind and caring man, and it was only his influence and position of power that allowed him to get away with this. Genesis, on the other hand, was feared for his unpredictability and the violence he was capable of when he didn't get his way. This fear was the reason that the boys never told anyone. Lazard tried to believe that his reason for taking part was the same, but the truth was that he enjoyed it. He lived for it. 

SOLDIERs were made, not born. Very few came out of the cadet corps. deadly and confident enough to fight back or defy a direct order. New SOLDIERs were typically boys in their late teens programmed to obey superiors, many of them still lacking the kind of strength and skill that the following few years would give them. They had a sort of vulnerability to them, especially the beautiful ones. It seemed almost fated that someone take advantage of that. 

Lazard drummed his fingertips gently on the surface of his desk. After years of playing their immoral game, he and Genesis knew the steps like a dance between well-rehearsed partners. Lazard was so good at the set-up that he could do it in his sleep, though it was always different, and Genesis knew exactly when to come in. The executive director of SOLDIER glanced up at the ceiling. In the center there was a large trap door, invisible to the casual observer, that led up to the second floor and into his private apartment. Impractical, yes, but there was a very good reason for it. The method of transporting the victim to the scene of the crime contributed to the unreality of the event. Lazard was sure that many of them left, when it was over, and told themselves it was all a bad dream. 

The office door chimed, and he swallowed the last bit of hesitation left his expression. "Enter." 

The visitor was expected, and right on time, approaching the desk with a cheerful smile and a spring in his step. As expected. The sight of him slightly eased Lazard's nerves - risky conquest or no, he had never craved any of the others like this. A 3rd Class, full of potential, destined to go far already, even at the age of sixteen. Fairly small-framed, more skilled than strong, trusting and good-natured to the point of naiveté. Most importantly, beautiful, possessing in abundance the kind of prettiness you only see in boys of that age. The features were delicate without being feminine, the body toned and muscular but not yet that of an adult. The spiky black hair and sweet, pouty lips, the youthful energy and excitability, the eagerness of his friendly smile...the boy was utterly adorable. Most striking of all were the eyes, the palest, most translucent blue Lazard had ever seen. 

Yes, he wanted this one as badly as Genesis, had to have him. Lazard cleared his throat and tried to look casual, meaning to not stare hungrily at the slender curve of the boy's hips. 

"Would you lock the door, Zack? The mission information I have for you is of a sensitive nature." 

"Yes, sir!" Zack did as he was asked and rushed back, never noticing the trap door above silently opening. "Uh, shouldn't Angeal be here too?" 

"Not this time. He will not be with you for this assignment." 

Fair's lovely eyes widened, and no wonder. He had never done a mission before without his mentor, and there indeed was what made Zack such a risky conquest for Lazard and Genesis. Commander Hewley's solitary and stoic nature was legendary in ShinRa, and yet he defied the laws of his own character in choosing any student, let alone one so unlike him in personality. Whatever his reasons, Angeal was undeniably and deeply fond of the boy, protective with an intensity that was both touching and puzzling. Well, maybe not puzzling, in light of what Genesis and Lazard were planning to do. If Zack told Angeal afterward...Lazard had no doubt that Angeal would murder them, lifelong friendship and company loyalty be damned. 

"What kind of mission is it?" Zack asked, excitedly and nervously. 

"A top-secret one." 

"I can't even tell Angeal?" 

"If you tell anyone, you'll be putting them in danger. A hero wouldn't do that, would he?" 

Zack shook his head resolutely. "You can trust me, sir." 

"I knew I could." The executive director rose from his seat and came around to the front of the desk. "First, I'll need you to remove your belts and shoulder pads." 

The 3rd Class looked confused, but shrugged and followed orders. First the waist-belt that Items could be hooked onto, then the series of criss-crossed belts that held on the magnet sheath where his sword was usually kept, then the straps that secured the shoulder armor all SOLDIERs wear, to protect them from enemy weapons and hard landings. Lazard put out his hands expectantly and Zack handed these uniform accessories over. 

"Am I going undercover or something? Does this involve Turks?" 

"No Turks." 

"Do I get to wear a wire, maybe?" 

Lazard smiled. The boy's lack of suspicion was so cute. And unarmored, he looked less like a SOLDIER and more like a teenager wearing a short-sleeved black sweater and loose-fitting black SOLDIER-issue pants. He carefully kept Zack's attention on him as Genesis, black wing extended, descended soundlessly from the opening above. 

"Perhaps. Zack, do you know what virtue we value more than all others SOLDIER?" 

"Pride?" the 3rd guessed immediately. 

Genesis rolled his eyes. The delectable creature in front of him being polluted by Angeal's moral superiority. And yet...the connection to his oldest friend made this quarry even more enticing. 

"No," Lazard said with a strange smile. "Loyalty. You're loyal, aren't you? You would never do anything to hurt ShinRa, would you?" 

"No, sir, of course not." 

Zack felt a stirring of uneasiness in his gut as Lazard slowly came closer. Something about the executive director's behavior seemed strange, and if he didn't know better he'd swear those eyes were looking him up and down. No, he must just be nervous about being here without Angeal. Zack looked up with innocent curiosity as Lazard stopped directly in front of him, and blinked, startled, as his chin was tilted up toward the taller man's gaze. 

"You trust the company?" 

"Yes," Zack said, hesitantly. 

"You trust me?" 

"...yes..." 

Zack felt a few fingers idly brush through the back of his hair, and his SOLDIER reflexes whirled him around, though there wasn't much room to do so between two taller bodies. His mouth fell open just slightly. Genesis Rhapsodos, 1st Class. Hew knew this man only indirectly, as a feared SOLDIER, as Angeal's old friend, as someone his mentor had ordered him to stay away from. Angeal had not given a reason for this, but Zack wanted very much to obey, he didn't like the way those smirking dark eyes were drinking him in. 

He backed away instinctively, but Lazard caught him. "It's all right, Zack," that pleasant voice murmured in his ear. 

"I've been wanting to meet you," Genesis said. "Any puppy of Angeal's is a friend of mine." 

Zack's growing fear overtook any indignation he might have felt about anyone but Angeal using that nickname. Even the enormous wing sprouting insanely from Genesis's back couldn't distract him from the hungry stare being directed at him. The 1st Class's cool fingers reached out and ran down the side of his face. 

"I - I have to go," Zack stammered. 

Genesis spread out his arms, blocking all means of escape. "I don't think so." 

At this point, the boy did what they all had done - he turned around to face the executive director, hoping for help or at least an explanation. There was no time for either even if he had been willing to give them. Genesis seized Zack around the middle with one arm, pinning the 3rd's arms to his sides, and clapped the other hand tightly over his mouth. The hold was so tight that Zack could barely move at all to struggle, and he looked with terror into Lazard's sympathetic face. 

"Don't be afraid, Zack," he said calmly. "I promise we're not going to hurt you. If you stop fighting and relax, it will be much nicer for you." 

Lazard went to the door behind his desk, unlocked it and disappeared, going to his apartment by a more visible route. Zack watched him go with a pounding heart, and with a twist in his stomach realized that his feet were lifting off the ground, he was being carried upward through the air. Where they should have hit the ceiling they passed through it instead, as though through a gate between worlds - the one that made sense and one that definitely did not. Zack tried to scream, but even a person in an adjacent room would not have heard the muffled noise. 

"Personally, little puppy," Genesis laughed softly, "I don't mind at all if you fight." 

__

zglzg

Lazard took his time, as he always did, securing the door, removing his gloves, savoring the anticipation of the delicacy he was about to sample. They had planned ahead - Lazard was supposedly taking a personal day in the city, Genesis was allegedly meeting an informant in Junon, and anyone inquiring after Zack Fair would be told he was providing back-up security for a top-secret Turk mission. Lazard's quarters were as secure as the president's own, and soundproofed. Well-equipped, too, for activities such as these. 

He heard Fair's yelling before he entered the bedroom. Genesis had wasted no time. The boy's shirt had been yanked off - all that smooth skin made Lazard drool, white with just a touch of honey - and his wrists were already handcuffed to the headboard posts. He was kicking Genesis furiously, but the 1st wasn't having much trouble catching his feet and pulling the boots off. If the kicking did get to be tiresome, Genesis had a trick to deal with it. 

"What the fuck are you doing?! Get your hands off me!" Zack saw Lazard and looked at him with pleading, scared eyes. "Executive Director, please!" 

"That's no way to talk to a superior officer," Genesis said idly, tearing the 3rd's pants from his legs and tossing them onto a chair. 

The boy was completely nude now. Genesis caught his strong legs and looked down between them with a pleased and hungry expression. Zack recoiled as much as he could from the lustful stare and his eyes returned to Lazard, wet and pleading. 

"Sir, whatever I did, I promise I won't do it again, just let me go, _please_ \- " 

"Do you let Angeal see you like this?" Genesis interrupted, running his hand up and down a smooth, taut thigh. "Does he protect you for your own sake or for his own possessiveness?" 

"You're sick," Zack hissed, aiming kicks that the 1st easily dodged. "Don't talk about Angeal!" 

"But you would give this to him if he asked, wouldn't you? Poor Angeal is too timid to simply take." Genesis jabbed a pressure point that made his legs fall boneless and limp, and forced the boy's ankles up onto his shoulders. "But _I'm_ not." 

Lazard took a seat on the bed and began to smooth the soft black spikes of Zack's hair, smiling sadly when the 3rd Class continued to look at him plaintively, desperately. "Don't be afraid. We won't hurt you." 

"I might, a little," Genesis said bluntly, as his fingers tried to coax the boy into hardness. "Especially if Angeal has been the coward I expect and no one's done this to you before. But you'll be nice and relaxed when Lazard gets his turn." 

Genesis always went first, Lazard second, and it suited both of them. Genesis enjoyed the struggle, the inexperience, the unwilling surrender, while Lazard liked to take them while they were stunned and exhausted, and so still that he could pretend - when he needed to - that they had consented. He also liked soothing and comforting them at the beginning, playing the good cop to Genesis's bad. They both got off on the victims' innocence, but Genesis liked to rip it away, while Lazard preferred to tear it slowly, like a layer of clothing or skin. 

He knew he was lucky to get any interaction at all with this one. Genesis had a dark and violent obsession with Angeal and Sephiroth and everything closely related to them, a need to demonstrate ownership of them in often sinister ways. He desired Zack physically as much as Lazard (and certainly many others) did, but it was more than that. Genesis was more excited than he could ever recall being before at the thought of defiling something his oldest friend was so determined to protect. He had wanted to videotape this encounter and show it to Angeal, and only Lazard's panicked reminder of the dangers of evidence (and Angeal himself) had made the 1st Class reluctantly abandon the idea. 

"Everyone wants to fuck you, little puppy," Genesis was taunting Zack, still stroking him. "Angeal's no different. Remember that the next time he corrects your fighting stance or pins you. Remember that he'd rather be touching you as I am now." 

Zack was trembling like an onset of hypothermia, though his soft skin was flushed and warm to the touch. He was hard, as much as he didn't want to be - he was young and a seething mass of hormones, and Genesis was skilled. His eyes were closed but still gushing tears, Lazard felt them when the boy's face instinctively turned into the palm cupping it. 

"Ssh, it's all right, we'll make it good," Lazard cooed, a startling contrast to Genesis's harsher comments as he spread lubricant over his hand. 

"Every time he blocks you from a dark spell, every time he puts his arm around you, remember, sweet little puppy. Remember Angeal would rather be having you in his bed or against the wall." 

"Shut...up," Zack gasped, managing only those two words between his quiet sobs. 

"I'm sure he'd make it nice for you. Lazard, blindfold him." 

The executive director looked up in surprise. They hadn't discussed this at all, and he didn't want to be deprived of the sight of the boy's lovely eyes (though Zack was keeping them mostly closed). Genesis shot him a menacing glare, so with a sigh Lazard took a black blindfold from one of his secret drawers. Zack panicked even more when he tried to put it on, requiring Genesis to hold the boy's head still. 

"Now you can pretend I'm your dear mentor. Let me show you what Angeal would do." 

"No!" 

"His hands are bigger than mine," Genesis said, thrusting three slick fingers inside at once, instead of the usual one. The gasping rhythm of Zack's breath increased first with pain, then something else. "Fuck, you're tight. Angeal would keep this all to himself." 

"Genesis, be more gentle," Lazard cautioned. 

"He can take it. Can't you, Puppy? But you're right...Angeal would be gentle. Can you feel him, little puppy? Is that better?" 

The spearing fingers slowed their forceful motion, all concentrating together on just the right spot. Zack's head lolled from side to side, and his refusals were whimpers now. 

"Haven't you ever noticed the way his eyes and hands linger on you?" Genesis went on. "You will from now on, won't you? I think you like the idea of Angeal doing this. He's such an attentive teacher, isn't he, and these are the lessons he really wants to give you." 

"No," Zack gasped. Lazard tried to reach between his legs and was slapped away by Genesis. 

"You should give him what he wants, Puppy, if you care about him. I think that would be a beautiful thing to watch, Angeal instructing you in this. Let's call this a rehearsal. I am Angeal. Tell me you want me inside." 

" _No_!" 

"You've never thought about it? Please, everyone's thought about it." 

The boy was rock-hard and writhing. Genesis's fingers continued to thrust against their target, skillfully and mercilessly. 

"I am Angeal, who never shows interest in anyone, and yet I chose you. I think and talk of nothing but you, I smile and laugh in your presence and yours alone, my eyes burn green with anger when anyone speaks of you with desire or follows your sweet little body with an eager stare. How much more obvious can I be? Did you think I picked you for potential or personality? No, my puppy, no." Genesis's voice was low, gentle, gruff but calm - a passable impression of Angeal's. "I want you for myself. I want to teach you _everything_. I want to fuck you." 

Zack renewed his struggle against the handcuffs, rattling them wildly, but they and the headboard they were locked to were not going to give. Genesis only smiled and continued to probe the boy for half-repressed moans as he exhausted his remaining strength in this tantrum. Lazard tried to make Zack be still, rubbing his arms gently, petting his hair and saying "Ssh, it's all right. The sooner you relax, the sooner this will be over." 

Genesis didn't look happy about his interference. After a few minutes, Zack's weakening struggles ceased altogether, and he slumped down, turned his head to one side and sniffled as his chest heaved with sobs. Lazard wet his fingertips and toyed sensually with the boy's nipples. The 3rd Class only tensed at this and continued to weep, but took in a sudden, sharp breath when the executive director blew cold air on them and made them puff slightly. A quiet moan followed as he took one into his mouth and slowly suckled it into softness with wetness and heat. Zack's muscles unwillingly began to relax as the same was done to the other erect nub. Lazard's lips went up to Zack's next and coaxed them apart, taking advantage of the boy's vulnerability and confusion to explore the pink rosebud mouth with his tongue. Oh, yes, the boy was a born submissive, responding so well to gentleness...and then he yelped loudly. 

Genesis had lubricated the 3rd Class well, perhaps not as much as he should have but certainly all his patience would allow. He had begun to nudge the head of his length inside, forced by the tight passage to go at a speed that infuriated him. He knew just where to aim, soon the beautiful young one would be begging him for more. The sensitive little ukes were easy to predict, no matter how unwilling they pretended to be. 

"Relax," Lazard murmured over the boy's cries, "keep your focus on me, Zack, and just let him in, don't make this hurt more than it has to." 

"Yes, let me in, Puppy," Genesis said in the same voice as before, roughly stroking the smooth thighs he gripped. "It's time for your lesson, time to learn your proper place. Yes, right here, opening up for me like a good boy, like you were always meant to." 

"Do you have to upset him?" Lazard whispered angrily, touching the paths of tears on Zack's flushed face. 

"I would never upset him," Genesis moaned, pushing further. He slid against that special spot, and the boy emitted a strangled cry, half pleasure, half pain. "I take good care of my baby puppy. Fuck, he's tight as a fist." 

"Let me..." Lazard said, reaching for Zack's neglected member, but Genesis slapped his hand away again. 

"Not yet." 

"But - " 

"I'm his mentor," Genesis smirked. "I decide how he's taught." 

The intense stimulation inside and the lack of it on the outside was clearly frustrating the young victim, as little as he understood how such a thing could happen in the midst of this horror. Zack's body was adjusting to the invader, the pain it awoke was being replaced more and more by pleasure. At the same time, he was vaguely conscious of the heat and pressure building between his legs, which had to be released, he couldn't even fathom the consequences of staying like this. Zack's whimpers took on a different tone, frightened still, but needy. Genesis savored them like a song as they grew louder and more urgent, as he plunged in and out of this delightful creature. 

"Tell me what you need, Pup," the nightmarish Angeal-voice crooned to him, "and I'll give it to you. I can go a long time, but how much more can you take?" 

Zack shook his head, finding the movement difficult through his trembling. Not Angeal, not the one he looked up to even more than Sephiroth, who had warmed to him and become his friend and mentor to the shock of everyone, not least Zack himself. He didn't know why Angeal cared so much, but it couldn't be this. Genesis had to be lying, Angeal couldn't really - 

But it was hard not to think of Angeal when the voice and the nickname kept evoking him. Had Zack thought about it, as Genesis insisted he must have? Not consciously. But for all Angeal's sternness and gentle scolding, he was attentive and patient and affectionate in his reserved way, protective and physical in his instructing. Everything between them that had once seemed friendly and fraternal and pure was being brought into question by Genesis's poisoned-honey taunts, the possibility of their truth was passing into him like a shared germ. 

It was becoming too much to bear. In Zack's mind, the face above him flickered back and forth between one he cared for and one he feared. It was easier to see Angeal's faint smile there, but this shouldn't be easy. Genesis's face wouldn't hold, though, everything was preparing to fly apart. He needed it to fly apart. 

"Please," Zack heard himself whisper. "Please..." 

"You need to come, Puppy?" It was a good imitation of Angeal's concern, strengthened by the hand brushing over his hair the way Angeal's sometimes did. Would it really be so bad if Angeal... "Tell me, Zack." 

He wanted to curl up and disappear, to never look anyone in the eye again. Zack nodded, unable to force the words past the lump in his throat. 

"Don't be embarrassed. Just ask for what you want and I'll give it to you." 

The boy's eyes overflowed again, the blindfold was soaked. "Please...let me..." 

"Come," Genesis prompted. "Ask me, use my name." 

"Genesis - " 

"There's no Genesis here. Ask me, Puppy. You know I can't say no to you." 

Zack turned his head away and tried to swallow the sobs he felt coming. This was too cruel, it was too much, but the pressure - 

"No? I could do this to you forever, keep you like this until you obey me," the voice groaned. "Why are you denying me, Puppy? It's only right that I should take this, who has a better claim to you? You're mine, no matter what happens now, you'll always remember you're mine." 

"Please...I need..." 

"Who do you need, Puppy?" the voice coaxed. 

"Angeal, please - " 

"Good boy." 

As Zack screamed and arched nearly off the bed, Lazard ripped the blindfold away and was finally allowed the sight of those fascinating eyes. They flew open instinctively into the sudden light and rolled back, white displacing the pale blue. Then they shut tightly and Lazard watched the pretty lips instead, opening this time into a nearly soundless cry. The executive director dipped his hand into the milky whitish spray and tasted it. He coated his tongue with the sweet fluid and pushed it into Zack's mouth, swallowing the gasps the boy made as he came down. This was a moment of great anticipation for Lazard. It was nearly his turn, and he was so ready. 

Genesis withdrew, sticky with smears of white and red (the colors reminded Lazard, absurdly, of the Wutaian flag) and gestured elegantly to the place he vacated. Lazard undressed himself (unlike Genesis, he preferred to be entirely nude for this) and knelt between Zack's knees. He took a piece of Restore materia from his discarded pants and aimed a Cure1. Curing without delay kept them tight, Lazard had made his argument to Genesis for doing it twice, but more honestly, Lazard didn't like winces of pain to mar the lovely, sleepy expression on the victim's face. 

Now the only evidence of Zack's stolen innocence was the semen and blood that eased Lazard's way into him. The boy's eyes were closed, and the movement of his features suggested nothing worse than an unpleasant dream. He whimpered pitifully as the first gentle thrust drove home, but then his body relaxed, finding this at least easier to bear than the first assault. Genesis hadn't been kidding about the vise-like grip of the young SOLDIER's body. Lazard couldn't last near as long as he wanted to, coming undone finally by the sight of wet blue eyes opening to look at him drowsily, like those of a tired child ripped from sleep. 

The executive director pulled himself dazedly together and slid out carefully. Zack had not come with him, but that was understandable. Lazard was sad the anticipated conquest was over, but what an experience it had been! He would cherish the memory always. Now the procedure was to clean the victim up, then another Cure, a few gentle threats, and - 

Lazard had no sooner risen from the bed than Genesis was on it, erect and slick once more, lifting Zack's legs back up on his shoulders. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"It's my turn," the 1st Class answered with feigned surprise. "Don't I get a thank-you for going after you this time?" 

"But you already - " Lazard stammered. 

"Of course I didn't. That was Angeal, remember? He went first, that was only appropriate, but - " Genesis smiled coldly at the waking terror on Zack's face. "Now that the puppy is broken in, I want a taste of him myself." 

"Genesis!"

"I wish you could've seen yourself," Genesis murmured to the boy, ignoring Lazard. "You were breathtaking. I should tell Angeal how lovely and willing you are, so he can finally enjoy this for himself."

Zack's face went white with horror. His hurt frown was a more experienced version of his usual childish pout, and when it opened his lips moved for a few moments, unable to translate the panic he was feeling into sound. Genesis brought his face lower and caught them in a forceful kiss, holding the 3rd's head still when he tried to turn away. When Genesis released him at last he continued to hover closely, brushing his mouth over the soft, tear-stained skin. 

"What do you think, baby?" he murmured. "Should I tell him?" 

"Please don't," Zack breathed out erratically, his voice timid and pleading. "Please." 

"All right. You've been good for me, little puppy, so I'll make a deal with you. Be good for just a little longer, do what I tell you, and it will all be over and all this will stay between us. What do you say?" 

Zack bit his lower lip adorably, wary but cornered. "O-Okay." 

"Good boy. Don't look so frightened. Angeal's my friend, do you think I would harm something he loves?" Genesis caressed the boy's face with his fingers. "Lazard is going to release your hands. You're going to put your arms around my neck and relax, and I'll take care of the rest. Uh-uh, keep your eyes open. I want to look at them. Good puppy." 

He gestured impatiently to Lazard, who knew Genesis well enough to know he had no choice but to unlock the handcuffs. The 1st was certainly bluffing. Angeal, if made aware of this, would see Zack as an innocent victim, but of course, the boy wasn't thinking clearly. His shame made him believe himself an accomplice, the pleasure they had forced on him would make him wonder if it had really been the rape it was. Lazard frowned. Genesis, for all his self-destructive impulsiveness, had to be bluffing. If this secret got out, it would not be a matter of investigation and company policy and imprisonment. Angeal would simply kill them both. 

A stifled moan and a groan of pleasure startled Lazard from his anxious thoughts. The sight awaiting him was quite a lovely one, two beautiful bodies entwined in a parody of love, in a pretense of consent. Zack's arms were around Genesis, but they were stiff and shaking. Genesis moved slowly and gently, but to savor his power over the boy, this triumph over Angeal and his gall at caring for something purely, not to spare the young one further pain. It was arousing, though, to watch Genesis play at caring, hushing the whimpering boy, soothing him while he took what Zack had not wanted to give. At just the right moment, he took the 3rd Class in hand and they came together, one weeping, the other laughing with victorious delight. 

Genesis always liked to take a few minutes afterward to savor the fruit he had plucked, to commit it all vividly to memory, so the clean-up was always left to his partner. Genesis drank in the sight of his boneless and drained conquest with his hands and eyes a bit longer, then settled on the loveseat beneath the window and stared dreamily into space. Lazard set to work, to the process he knew so well. It never quite made his hands clean, but then, that's what gloves and solid reputations are for, right? 

Normally clean-up was accomplished with the aid of warmed moist towelettes, but Lazard decided to take Zack into the shower instead. The boy only blinked and winced with dazed confusion as he was half-carried to the bathroom, and he lay like a corpse against Lazard's chest as the hot spray of water came down and hands washed him with tender, massaging motions. The world began to come back into focus as he was dried off and dressed, and he looked dumbly down at his uniform, wondering if it had all really happened. There was soreness, stiffness, a stretched sort of pain, but then someone murmured a Cure spell and it all faded away. 

Fingers gently tilted his face up. They were in a different room now, close to the apartment's main door, and he was looking into the kind eyes of Lazard, who was smiling at him paternally. Zack wanted to leave, he wanted Angeal...no, wait, did he? Was Angeal still the wall of safety he had been before? Even if he was, would he take one look at Zack and see the unspeakable things he had allowed to be done to him? Better to not take that chance. Zack wanted to be alone. He didn't even want to be with himself. 

"This will be our secret," Lazard said softly. "As long as you keep it, everything will be all right. I'll make sure Angeal doesn't find out anything, and I won't let Genesis touch you again. All right?" 

The beautiful eyes dropped, unable to look at him. "Thank you." 

"You did very well. You're excused duties for the rest of the day, and if anyone asks where you were, tell them you became ill and the Turks sent you back early," Lazard said slowly and deliberately, letting his words sink in with the power of suggestion. "Go get some rest." 

Zack nodded. Lazard opened the door for him and he stepped out, like a sleepwalker at first but regaining something close to a normal walk. Far from his usual bouncy stride, but that would return in time. Fair was strong and cheerful and had ties to SOLDIER through his friends and Angeal, he was not like the isolated boys they usually preferred, who sometimes faded into ghosts and left the program without giving a reason. 

He went back to the bedroom to finish cleaning up, and found Genesis finished with his post-coital reverie. The 1st was, in fact, removing something from the four high corners of the room, and when Lazard approached his blood froze. Cameras. Genesis had videotaped the entire thing. 

"Are you mad?!" Lazard nearly shouted. "If anyone - " 

"No one will but us. I'll edit the best angles all together, and we'll have a memento of our most satisfying conquest. But first I think I'll view them all, one by one." 

"You are mad. You're going to get us killed." 

Genesis smirked. "Does that mean you don't want to join me?" 

Lazard hesitated. He supposed he could finish tidying up later. 

**Continued.**


	2. Beneath the Skin

**BENEATH THE SKIN  
Part Two in the "Like A Dance" Series**

 

As he walked the hallway lined with SOLDIER 3rd Class apartments, Angeal Hewley spotted a 3rd he knew and approached him. 

"Kunsei."

"Commander, sir."

"At ease. Have you seen Zack?"

Kunsei looked surprised. "You didn't know? He's sick."

Angeal frowned. Illness was more common among 3rds than any other class, as their mako level was lowest, but Zack had seemed fine the last time he saw him, the day before yesterday. Stranger than that, it was very unlike the boy to admit he wasn't up to training, it was always Angeal who had to put his foot down when Zack was too tired or unfocused to carry on.

"Sick in what way?"

"I'm not really sure, sir. I saw him a few hours ago and he just didn't look good. I don't think he slept at all. When he got back yesterday, all he said was he didn't feel well."

Angeal scowled with annoyance, though it was not directed at Kunsei. He'd already had words with Lazard when he got back early this morning, concerning his anger that his student had been sent on a mission without his approval. Lazard had apologized profusely, sworn it would not happen again, but aside from admitting that Zack had been sent back early, the executive director could reveal nothing about the assignment. A Turk mission, top-secret, and that made Angeal even more furious. The Turks dealt with matters too underhanded and unpleasant for anyone else...Gaia only knew what awful sights Zack had been exposed to. Exceptional SOLDIER or not, he was just a kid, and really a very innocent one, with a heart that would one day be a hero's but for now just trusted and accepted too easily.

That made Angeal worry. He loved the kid, Zack was like the little brother he'd never had and the son he never would. He couldn't help but be over-protective, even if doing so kept Zack from toughening up as all SOLDIERs did out of necessity. The boy's playfulness and cheer was endearing, as welcome to the stoic commander as rain after a drought, and he didn't want to see that innocence lost.  
There was no answer when he knocked at Zack's door. The boy could be sleeping, or perhaps too sick to get up. Angeal went inside and, after a cursory glance around the messy and unoccupied front room, proceeded to the bedroom. He pushed the ajar door open, soundlessly.

Zack was sitting on the bed, legs bent up to his chest, his face hidden in the arms that wrapped around his knees. He was wearing his uniform (only the sword was missing, probably under the bed somewhere, if Angeal knew Zack), but he didn't move as the commander crept inside. Even a 3rd, especially a good one, should have sensed him coming. Could Zack be asleep in that position? He was, he didn't react at all as Angeal carefully sat down.

The boy's spiky black hair was damp, he must have gotten out of the shower a little while ago. Yes, the nearby bathroom door was open, and the air wafting from it was still warm. The water must have been near scalding, Angeal thought, observing his student with increasing worry. He didn't want to wake Zack, but wasn't sure how long he could wait to assure himself that the kid was okay. Angeal carefully put his hand on Zack's hair and began to gently stroke it, willing himself to figure out the right thing to do.

__

zazaz

Zack was at the center of a vast dark, laying on a table beneath a spotlight that illuminated nothing but his own nude body. He tried to get up, or at least cover himself, but cold hands grabbed his wrists and yanked him back, and he screamed as Genesis's face hovered over him and smiled.

"Ssh, don't worry, Puppy. This time I'll give you what you really want."

Another figure stepped out of the dense shadow, and Zack's eyes flooded with tears of relief. "Angeal!"

"I'm here now, Pup, it's okay." Angeal's voice was soothing, no surprise there, but then he looked past Zack to Genesis, and smiled. 

"Thank you, old friend. Without you, I might never have known I could do this."

"Any time."

Zack stammered mutely for a few moments, unable to process Angeal's calm, or why he was looking at him like that. "Angeal," he finally whispered, a broken-hearted plea, and Angeal unzipped his pants and lifted Zack's numb legs onto his shoulders.

"It's all right, Pup. I know you want this too. Now I can show you what I always planned for you, what I wanted from you all this time."

"No," Zack begged, dissolving into sobs, "please, it can't be true..."

"Weren't you thinking of me while Genesis broke you in? Didn't that make it easier?" Angeal took the boy's sex in hand and began to massage it. "That means you want this. You want me to love you."

"Not like this," Zack cried, but Angeal was pressing inside already. There was no pain this time, only pleasure, he was being taken much more slowly and gently than Genesis had done. But Genesis was here too, everywhere, inside as Angeal was inside, he would always be there beneath the skin like a virus. Angeal was hushing him, and it felt so good, and yet all Zack could do was close his eyes as tears poured out them, as a familiar hand petted his hair, and - 

"Puppy?" Angeal murmured, alarmed by the boy's trembling.

Zack's head snapped up, and before Angeal could speak or get a good look at him, he had scrambled away and was curled up against the bed's headboard in a protective ball. Like he was expecting to be attacked. A nightmare, Angeal guessed, but Zack wasn't shaking it off. Though awake, he didn't seem to realize the danger had passed, and his shoulders continued to quake, accompanied by whimpering noises.

"Zack, you were dreaming. It's all right, it's over."

The boy's breathing began to grow calmer. Angeal reached a hand out toward him, but Zack tensed, so he drew it back.

"Look at me. Please."

It wasn't an order (yet), but only reluctantly, unwillingly, did Zack lift his head out of the cocoon of his arms. The pale eyes that met Angeal's were puffy and red, their blue watery and drowning, and the expression was fearful. Haunted. That face, usually so cheerful and beaming, was ghostly-white and streaked with tears. The boy must have been crying for hours. Having moved past alarm into barely-concealed terror, Angeal instinctively reached for him again, only to have Zack flinch and edge away.

"All right, I won't, I'll stay right here," the commander promised. "Zack, what's happened?"

"Nothing," was the whispered answer. "I was sick...yesterday...but I'm okay now. I'm ready to train."

Angeal shook his head. "You're in no condition. If we're going anywhere, it's to the med lab."

"No! I mean, I'm okay now."

"I don't think you are. Lazard told me you were ill," Angeal said, pausing to frown as Zack flinched again, "but he was not specific. What were your symptoms?"

"I just...felt nauseous," Zack answered uncertainly, sniffling now and then, ducking his head to wipe his face with a tissue. "Like I was gonna throw up, and my head hurt. Maybe one of those twenty-four-hour things. I'm fine now, I just didn't sleep."

"You were dreaming a minute ago. What was your dream about?"

"I don't remember."

Zack was a bad liar. "Did you go to the med lab after the Turks sent you back? Lazard should have made sure..."

There was that flinch again. Had the executive director scolded Zack or shown disappointment in him? That didn't sound like Lazard. But then, this behavior was not at all like Zack.

"No, h-he just said to rest. I'm fine, really."

"Let me feel your head, okay?" The boy stayed still for him, but squeezed his eyes shut and didn't open them until Angeal was finished. "You don't seem to have a fever. Puppy, did something bad happen yesterday?"

Fear froze the glassy blue eyes, fear of being found out. _Gaia-damned Turks,_ Angeal thought furiously, _he's never going near them again, whatever orders might say._

"Did you see something on the mission that frightened you?"

The briefest flash of confusion, followed by relief. What could that mean? He had been close to the truth and taken a wrong turn.

"The mission was fine," Zack said unsteadily. "I wasn't there long...I didn't really see...but it was secret, I can't say anything. No one can say anything."

"I can make Tseng talk, if I need to."

"He wasn't there."

"Who was?"

"I didn't know them, I don't remember."

Angeal followed a hunch. "What time did you disembark? Surely that isn't classified, you can tell me. And what method of transportation did you use?"

"We...we were in a hurry, and I was distracted, I don't know."

Zack was avoiding his eyes, shifting restlessly. At this point Angeal was fairly convinced that there had been no mission, or if there had, Zack had not been involved with it at all. Something was being covered up here, but what? If Zack had gotten into trouble, it would have been reported to his mentor without delay. This reluctance and secrecy was so unlike Zack, Angeal was nearly as frustrated with his confusion as he was worried about the kid.

"Puppy," he said gently, "I can find out about this mission if I need to. There wasn't one, was there?"

Zack curled himself up tighter and his eyes began to flood again. Angeal felt like his heart was breaking to watch this. He cared for Zack in many ways (some of which he ignored and tried to suppress), but only now did he realize how much of his own well-being and happiness were tied to the boy's. The last thing he wanted to do was push Zack or upset him further, but he had to get to the bottom of this.

"Tell me what's wrong. Let me help," Angeal said, his voice sounding slightly desperate. "Whatever's happened, I'll fix it."

"Nothing," Zack insisted, pausing to breathe unevenly. "It's nothing. I'm just tired."

Angeal sighed and stood up. "C'mon, Pup."

"Wh-Where? Not the med lab, _please_..."

"How about Dr. Hollander?" Zack seemed to like Hollander and vice-versa, and Angeal knew he could be trusted.

"No. Please?"

Angeal couldn't say no to that face, even when it wasn't wet and miserable. He thought quickly. He had cleared the day to spend time with Zack, but he had paperwork at his apartment that needed to be done. Mindless busy-work, and good thing, because he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on anything but Zack.

"All right, no doctors..." Yet, Angeal added mentally. "We'll go to my place. You can sleep, watch TV, whatever you want. I just don't want you here by yourself."

Zack nodded at last, but he looked even more unhappy, and that was another thing that didn't make sense. Zack liked Angeal's apartment, he had more than once announced his intention to find at least one baby picture of his gruff mentor. He had stayed over in the spare bedroom a few times after a long day of training; in fact, he was the only one to use that room and had been told to think of it as his own. Angeal was struck by an uncomfortable thought, an incomprehensible one.

_Is he afraid to be alone with me?_

Zack wiped his face, pulled himself weakly off the bed and followed his teacher out toward the elevator. As they walked, Angeal was careful not to get too close or touch, but he watched the boy carefully, the way he stared at his feet, the way he shuffled forward without the slightest bounce, the way he edged nervously aside whenever they passed someone.

 _At least it's not only me...but why is he so terrified of being touched?_ A possibility or two floated into Angeal's mind, too horrible to be contemplated. There had to be another explanation. There had to be.

__

zazaz

An hour or more later, the paperwork continued to lay untouched on the coffee table. Zack was in the spare bedroom, and so far nothing had been able to convince him to talk, or even to eat or drink anything. Angeal was sitting with the ignored documents, going over his observations of Zack in his head, trying to analytically deduce from his behavior what had happened. It was impossible to keep his own emotions out of it.

Something had happened the previous day, which Zack had then been made to lie about. He must have either been threatened or ordered to keep quiet about it, or both, though he plainly wasn't eager to talk about it anyway. He wasn't sleeping well and was having nightmares. Oddest of all, perhaps, he didn't want even Angeal close to him. Zack had never had the slightest problem being touched by his mentor before. On the contrary, his puppy was affectionate and responded well to affection, being hugged, patted on the back, having his hair ruffled.

_Does he know how I feel about him? No, no, I barely understand that myself. He'll never know, not if I can help it. Anyway, that's probably the last thing he needs right now._

The answer that seemed to fit best could not be denied much longer, as hideous and unbearable as it was. Angeal had for years harbored suspicions that there was a highly-ranked sexual abuser in the SOLDIER program, one person whose hidden attentions were behind the many promising young officers' sudden and inexplicable resignations. Angeal had known none of them well, but they had all been teenagers, all trusting and obedient, all pretty.

_Like Zack._

Though it hurt him to do it, Angeal had for some time suspected his old friend Genesis, who was unpredictable and violent, who liked younger men, who had been seen watching the former SOLDIERs with an indecipherable expression. He didn't have enough to confront Genesis, but had warned Zack to stay away from him. Angeal had been so careful with Zack, so protective and determined to keep him safe, what if - 

_He can't bear to be touched._ The fact was far from being conclusive, but it felt like proof, and it made Angeal's chest feel like a clenched fist. Without thinking, he got up and went quietly into the spare bedroom.

Zack was curled up on top of the blankets in a ball. He looked so small and alone that Angeal came closer and sat down without even considering that doing so might alarm the boy. But Zack was asleep again, and by the way he was shifting and whimpering, it was clear he was having another nightmare.

"Please don't," Zack cried into the pillow, "he wouldn't, not like this..."

"Who wouldn't, Puppy?" Angeal whispered. "Wouldn't what?"

"Angeal..."

"I'm here."

"Don't talk about Angeal." Eyes still closed, Zack winced as though in pain. "Angeal, no, please!"

The commander couldn't stand this another second. He took Zack by the shoulder and shook him gently, urging him to wake up, telling him it was all right. Sadly but not surprisingly, the moment Zack's eyes opened he huddled against the headboard and tried to shrink out of reach. Instead of backing off this time, Angeal carefully slid closer and smoothed the boy's hair, fighting his own tears and fury as Zack trembled under his hand.

"Puppy, it was only a nightmare. I would never hurt you, I swear. No matter what's happened, no matter what you've been told, I care about you very much and I would never, ever harm you. Please believe me."

Something in his firm, loving voice or the familiar petting seemed to calm Zack a little, and he slowly began to stop shaking, to breathe normally. Beautiful blue eyes looked up to Angeal's, dripping tears and full of sadness and guilt.

"I...know," the boy choked out. "I should have...known...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"It's all right." At last Angeal was allowed to take Zack into his arms and comfort him with the strong, warm embrace that he had always liked. "I promise, everything will be all right."

Zack buried his face in Angeal's sweater and wept softly, feeling at least one weight fall from his shoulders as Angeal held him, cupping the back of his head and running his fingers through the mussed black spikes. Angeal's arms were so safe, his voice so soothing, that finally the endless crying felt like a release, like he was getting out something that couldn't stay in any longer. He loved Angeal...but how did he love Angeal? He didn't want the question or the answer he already knew, but it had been asked, and now it would never go away.

Zack's hands left their grip on the broad shoulders to curl around Angeal's neck. Angeal tucked the boy's head beneath his chin and rocked him slowly, repeating "It's all right" like a mantra, though clearly nothing was all right at the moment. He would fix it, he would move the planet itself if that's what it took to make his apprentice smile again, but to do that, he had to know.

"Pup," he began gently, "someone hurt you, didn't they? And they told you I would do the same?"

A whimper that sounded vaguely affirmative, an increased tension in the muscles that had been relaxing. Angeal rubbed his open hand up and down the boy's back. His next question would be agony for them both, but maybe being quick and direct about it was best. You don't prolong the drawing of a splinter.

"Did...this person rape you, Zack?"

A slight quaking, followed by serious trembling. "Oh, Gaia," Angeal said brokenly, and pressed his face into Zack's hair. He usually didn't allow himself this, as the spring rain scent of the boy's shampoo and the clean smell of his body brought up unhelpful thoughts and images, but Zack nude and willing was the furthest thing from his mind right now. Someone had taken his puppy unwilling, someone had actually dared to touch Zack without permission and wrench away the innocence that Angeal had tried to preserve. How?   
How could anyone bear the sight of pain in those sweet, trusting eyes?

He let the boy cry for a few minutes, time enough to shove his anger down out of reach of his voice, before he spoke again. "Tell me who it was, Pup. I'll make sure it never happens again."

"I - can't - "

"Ssh, breathe, Zack, it's okay." The boy would hyperventilate if he didn't calm down. Angeal waited until his breathing sounded better. 

"Did he threaten you?"

"If I don't tell, everything will be all right."

"If you tell me, I promise, I'll make sure he can never get near you again."

"I _can't_!" Zack wailed. "They'll kill me, or do it again..."

"They? There were two of them?" The teenager clung tighter. This was much better than him jumping away, at least. "Zack, it will not happen again, I will not let anyone hurt you. Puppy, I want to keep you safe, I have to know."

"You'll hate me. You'll give me away."

The defeated whisper stabbed Angeal's heart like a knife. Nearly knocked off balance by the sheer impossibility of such a thing, the commander gently took Zack by the upper arms and lifted him to look at his face. He then held Zack's wet cheeks in his hands and made the boy look into his serious, truthful, unwavering gaze.

"Listen to me, Puppy. What happened was not your fault in any way. Whatever you did, you were made to do, and you are not to blame for any of it. I will never willingly give you to someone else, because I honestly don't know how I would get through a day without you. And no matter what happens, no matter what you do, I could never hate you. I love you. You're everything to me, and you know I do not use such words lightly."

For a moment, Zack looked frozen, and even more frightened. But Angeal's eyes held none of the lust and anger that had burned in Genesis's, none of the lies that Lazard hid behind wire-rimmed glasses. Angeal's eyes were open, honest, incapable of deceit, and they were watching him so tenderly, filled to bursting with the affection that Zack had seen glimpses of so many times. His lips tried to smile, but quivered with sobs that wanted to come out, and Zack threw his arms around Angeal again and pressed his face into the warm, cloth-covered skin between neck and shoulder. Every word had been true, Zack had no doubt of that, and the love and gratitude he felt for Angeal took up so much space inside him that it pushed out some of the sickness and hurt to make room. He should have been out of tears by now, but they came as hard as before.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I love you too, I don't deserve you."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Puppy."

"He made me pretend he was you." The confession came in a hysterical rush. "He made me say your name, and he called me Puppy, and he said you wanted the same thing, that's why you chose me, and he said I should give it to you if I cared about you, and he said he'd tell you what I let him do if I didn't let him do it again after he untied me..."

Angeal closed his eyes for a moment, willing them not to burn green with rage, and swallowed another wave of murderous fury. This would have to be vented at some point, it was poisonous to keep inside, but he would not, could not, let Zack see it. Unforgivable enough that someone had harmed Zack in that way, but making the boy pretend it was his mentor who violated him, making him think he was an accomplice rather than a victim...

"You didn't let him do anything, Pup. There was nothing you could have done. And I chose you because I liked your enthusiasm and energy, and because I knew you would be a great SOLDIER and I wanted to help you become that. I would never do what they did."

"I know. I'm sorry, I should have known - "

"Ssh, it's all right, everything will be all right." Something occurred to Angeal. "Are you still in any pain?"

He felt the boy shake his head. "He Cured me."

"Okay. Were these men you know?"

A slight shift, indicating a reluctance to answer that could only mean yes.

"Please tell me," Angeal said softly into Zack's ear. "Who were they?"

"I don't want you to do anything," Zack pleaded. "I don't want anyone to know. I just want to forget."

As much as Angeal wanted the rapists exposed for what they were and brought to justice, he knew that public knowledge of this and a sensational court martial would do Zack no good and probably cause further damage. Obviously he wouldn't be able to forget, he would have to be helped in order to recover from this, but that could be accomplished without making the boy famous for something he didn't want known. Angeal could inflict his own justice on these monsters, a more satisfying punishment than imprisonment, and protect Zack's privacy at the same time, somehow.

"We don't have to report this," Angeal conceded. "We'll keep it quiet, okay? But I still need to know who they are."

"Angeal," the boy begged him softly, and his resolve wavered, but only for a moment.

"Puppy..." He hated to do this, hated using Zack's heroic heart against him at a time like this, but it had to be done. "I need to stop them. They could be doing the same thing to other 3rds."

Zack froze, and then the trembling started up again. Angeal held him close, knowing the poor kid was agonizing over the thought of Kunsei and his other friends falling victim to the same horror he had himself.

"Ssh, it's okay. Just tell me, and I'll stop them for good."

"But he's your friend," Zack whispered. "You told me not to go near him."

"Genesis." The boy flinched in his embrace, and Angeal mourned briefly for the friend Genesis had once been to him, before casting the bond between them away forever. "I'm so sorry, Puppy. I should have been watching you better."

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say. Zack was getting agitated, his breathing becoming panicked again. "No, not your fault, no - "

"Okay, ssh, I know, it's all right. Not your fault or mine. Only theirs." Angeal felt a sad smile briefly displace his frown. His puppy was protective, too, in his own adorable way. "Who was the other one?"

"Something bad will happen if I tell."

"No it won't, I'll make sure, I'll keep you safe." Angeal was already planning out what he would do in his head, his protective impulses allowed to run free at last. He could have Zack stay here until he felt safe enough to be on his own again, he would decline every mission he couldn't bring the boy on, he would keep Zack by his side every minute of every day. "Trust me, Puppy. I'll make sure he can never touch you again."

"But he could separate us," Zack sniffled.

There were only four people with the power to do such a thing. Sephiroth, who had been with Angeal yesterday and to whom the act of rape was as repugnant as it was to Angeal. President Shinra, who was on vacation in Costa del Sol, and whose tastes were well-known and did not include boys. Vice-President Rufus, who was only a kid himself, and too intimidated by SOLDIERs to be around them without his Turk bodyguards. That left only the kindly executive director, Lazard...the first name Zack had flinched at.

"Was it Lazard, Puppy?"

A flinch again, and a slow, reluctant nod. Angeal didn't need to ask which had pretended to be him, that was surely Genesis, displaying a darkness and cruelty Angeal hadn't thought him capable of.

"It was..." Zack whispered.

"What?" Angeal prompted gently.

"...my first time."

Another knife into the heart, though Angeal wasn't surprised. Zack was beautiful and charming, he attracted no end of attention everywhere he went, but for all that he was more focused (or tried to be, at least) on his work. And Angeal suspected the kid just wasn't made for the casual, acquaintances-with-benefits relationships that were so common in ShinRa. Zack put feeling, a lot of feeling, into everything. He was the type to wait until he was in love, and he had been robbed of that, by men who were supposed to be looking out for him.

"It isn't always like that, Pup," Angeal murmured into the soft black spikes. "I promise."

Zack sniffled in response, an acknowledgment that was neither affirmative nor negative. "What if he separates us?"

"No one is separating us," Angeal said firmly. "Don't worry. I'll take care of everything."

Zack let out a long, slow sigh. It sounded like he was relieved, like he had finally expelled the hysteria he'd been holding back. Angeal lifted the boy's face up, cupping it in his hands and drying the wet skin with his fingers. Zack managed a weak smile and blinked at him tiredly, keeping his eyes open with more and more difficulty each passing moment.

"Do you feel any better?"

An immediate nod, that was good.

"Do you think you can sleep? You look exhausted."

"I'm scared," Zack admitted, looking embarrassed.

"Try," Angeal said, leaning against the headboard and bringing Zack's head back to rest on his shoulder. "I'll stay with you."  
Too tired or relieved to wonder if stuff like this was normal between SOLDIERs and their mentors, Zack put his arms around Angeal's neck and let his eyes flutter closed. In a few minutes he was asleep, breathing quietly and peacefully this time. Angeal held his precious student, petting his hair and resisting the impulse to hold him tighter, to keep him in a grip that no one could ever break again. Now that there was no one to see, Angeal let a few tears escape his eyes, each one making him more resolved that Zack would never be hurt like this again.

Once he had composed himself, the commander wiped his face dry, and observed that Zack was deep in a dreamless slumber. Angeal carefully took out his cell phone and texted a short message to Sephiroth. He would need the help of the one best friend he had left. 

**Continued.**


	3. Even the Shadows

**EVEN THE SHADOWS  
Part Three of the "Like A Dance" Series**

 

Sephiroth never had to be told to be quiet; he made no noise in movement unless he wished to. Angeal had not expected to hear him, but he was surprised to realize that his attention had been so completely focused on Zack that he did not sense his friend enter the apartment, had no idea the general had arrived until the door silently swung open. Sephiroth stepped into the spare bedroom and took in the sight before him, cocking his head quizzically to see his stoic friend protectively clutching the sleeping form of his young student.

Angeal could almost hear Sephiroth's unnervingly intelligent brain crank into action, trying to find an explanation. Angeal holding someone, Zack Fair keeping still, Angeal's eyes wet and blazing with emotion. Error, does not compute. Without waiting for an invitation, Sephiroth glided closer and sat down on the foot of the bed, somehow not disturbing the mattress at all.

"What has happened?" he asked calmly, failing to hide his concern for his best friend and glancing at the 3rd Class. He'd met Fair a few times, but more importantly, he knew that Angeal lived for this kid. Whatever bad thing had transpired, Zack was at the center of it.

Angeal's mouth opened, then closed. Hesitation looked foreign on him, like the dress of a distant land. If he tried to be vague or delicate about this, the words would choke him forever. He hadn't delayed drawing Zack's splinter, why do so with his own?

"Genesis and Lazard raped him."

Nothing changed in Sephiroth's face. The rhythm of his blinking went on undisturbed, his mouth remained a neutral line. Under the watchful eye of Hojo, Sephiroth had learned to keep his feelings locked up tight. But after several long seconds, the general turned his head ever so slightly and looked at Fair, the most promising of his Class, huddled against his teacher like a child. Sephiroth's hand on the blankets slowly curled into a fist that trembled for a moment, and he did not speak until he had unclenched it.

"You are certain?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any proof?"

"I don't need it. I'm going to kill them both. I could use your advice on how to go about it. You're the master strategist."

Sephiroth's lips pressed together tightly. "You think that will fix him?"

"No, I think it will stop _them_!" Angeal whispered angrily.

"So this has nothing to do with your anger? You feel it so rarely, you don't know what to do with it."

"Don't psyochoanalyze this, Seph. Help me or don't."

"You know I will help you. Just not in the way you're asking."

Angeal's eyes lit up with mako green. "You don't think they deserve to die? I've told you my suspicions of Genesis, this isn't the first time, it won't be the last unless I - "

"Murder a fellow 1st and a ShinRa executive in cold blood," Sephiroth finished. "And how would you defend this act? Reveal what they did to Fair?"

"No!" Angeal's arms enveloped the boy more tightly, though he didn't seem to realize this. "I won't subject him to that."

"You'd prefer to subject him to the loss of his mentor? Angeal, I would use all the power and influence I have for you, but even if by some miracle you were allowed to remain in SOLDIER and keep your rank, you'd be banished to some miserable outpost. And they would not let you take the best 3rd we have with you."

Angeal seemed to stop breathing. He gazed down at Zack, whose face was mostly hidden in his shirt, and slowly passed his open hand over the boy's soft spikes. Sephiroth let his words sink in before he spoke again.

"You are not thinking clearly, Angeal. But you know that Fair needs you, now more than ever."

"He needs to feel safe, and he never will with them around."

The general thought for a moment. "He needs time."

"What are you thinking, Seph?"

"A temporary transfer. To Wutai."

Angeal began to follow his train of thought. "To Anzen?"

"Yes."

In the far north of the Wutaian empire, cut off by a border of dense forest, the village of Anzen was of key importance to ShinRa. During the Wutai War, an overzealous commander had given orders to burn the town as an example, and Sephiroth, already an intimidating figure at fourteen, had stopped this just in time. The grateful villagers eagerly accepted Sephiroth's generous terms for surrender, and consequently Anzen suffered much less than the other settlements of Wutai. Through all the flare-ups of resistance that followed, Anzen was the one place in the empire that remained genuinely friendly toward ShinRa, its isolation protecting it from the wrath of the rest of Wutai.

Angeal had never been there himself, but he knew the town by reputation, a lovely and peaceful place, where the only day-to-day problem was monsters. ShinRa regularly kept two or three SOLDIERs stationed there to deal with this, keeping up good relations with the villagers and keeping a necessary foothold in northern Wutai. These were often young SOLDIERs still learning the ropes, for two reasons. First, because Anzen's fiends were mostly low-level. And second, because according to village tradition, all people under eighteen were considered children, and children were never to be harmed under any circumstances, not even the child of an enemy. A village elder had told Sephiroth, once, that he was relieved the soon-to-be general had come to make peace, because the men and women of Anzen would sooner have fallen than raise arms against a child. Even one who seemed to be a demon with glowing eyes and a sword taller than himself.

Anzen did seem like the perfect place for Zack to recover. Still, though Zack was his primary concern...

"What about the next time this happens?"

Sephiroth was prepared. "We make it clear to Genesis that it does not. I will keep watch while you are gone. One more transgression, and I will help you in the way that you first requested."

Angeal looked hesitant. Zack stirred a little in his sleep, making a soft whimper and clutching the commander's sweater in his fingers, snuggling closer into the hold that represented safety. There was no question what was most important here. Angeal nodded.

__

zazazaz

Sephiroth had promised to use his influence to speed their transfer, but even Angeal was surprised to get a phone call from him only hours later, informing him that they were scheduled to depart in two days. When Angeal protested that he couldn't finish up his work and delegate his responsibilities that quickly, Sephiroth said "I will handle all that. For now, Fair is your only responsibility."

Still, it left Zack little time to adjust to the idea. Angeal waited until the evening to tell him, after he'd finally been persuaded to eat a little. The old Zack would have grumbled about the short notice, the distance from Midgar, the separation from his friends. This Zack merely nodded. Wondering if the boy was worried about Genesis and Lazard, Angeal told him about Sephiroth's promise to watch them, and what would happen if they did it again. Zack looked down and mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"Don't want anyone to die," Zack whispered dully.

 _You're too good for ShinRa,_ Angeal thought, but what he said was "I know, Pup. Genesis will be given a warning first." He didn't share his opinion that Genesis - reckless, defiant, unstable - might ignore the warning altogether and refuse to pass it on to his partner. Somewhat guiltily, Angeal thought, _So much the better, then I can kill them._

"What about classes?" Zack asked, still not sounding like he much cared.

As Angeal's apprentice, Zack had Angeal as his primary instructor, but he still attended most of the lessons that all cadets and SOLDIERs of his age did. He was the best of his class in all of them, and that said a lot about his intelligence, as Zack was so easily distracted in group settings. That was one of the reasons he had been given to Angeal, because his potential was too great to risk losing him to his attention span. Angeal had been uncertain about the arrangement at first, but in a way his life had begun anew at that first meeting, that first sight of pale blue eyes smiling cheerfully up at him.

_I'll fix him, I'll make him that way again, I've got to._

"We'll have your reading and assignments sent to us in Anzen. I'll make sure you don't fall behind."

"Okay. When should I start packing?"

"Why don't we get that out of the way now? I'll go with you." Angeal smiled faintly to see the relief in Zack's eyes. "Besides, you're staying here until we leave, so you'll need your things. And if you don't want to see anyone, I can tell Kunsei about our trip and he can let the other 3rds know."

Zack let out a deep breath and looked down as his eyes threatened to fill. "Thank you. For everything."

Angeal's first impulse was to say that none of this would be necessary if he'd been a better and more careful mentor, but such a thing would only upset the boy. He settled for running his hand over the spiky hair, pleased that Zack moved closer and not further away.

"Everything's going to be all right," Angeal said softly, hoping his determination to make it so would be enough.

__

zazazaz

Zack didn't sleep well that night. Angeal periodically went to the guest room to check on him, and twice found the boy tossing and whimpering and had to wake him to stop the nightmare. The third time, Zack was awake and bleary-eyed, and merely shook his head, though Angeal had not asked a question. Acting on instinct, wondering if it was right, Angeal sat down against the headboard and gently drew Zack to his chest. He adjusted him and made him comfortable, then tucked a blanket around him and began to pet the silky black spikes.

"Sleep, Puppy. I've got you."

The trembling was barely noticeable at first, but it slowly became stronger. Zack willingly put his arms around Angeal's neck, but at the same time he began to cry into Angeal's T-shirt. The commander tried rocking him gently, rubbing his back, but every gesture of affection seemed to make it worse.

"Zack, talk to me."

"I'm sorry," the answer came in a heaving rush. "I'm sorry for putting you through this and being a baby, I'm a SOLDIER, I shouldn't be scared but I can't - even the shadows - and it's dark, I hate when it's dark..."

"Pup," Angeal said firmly, speaking over the cracking sounds his heart was making. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You are no trouble to me, you never have been. I look after you because I love you, remember, not because I have to. And you are not being a baby. If I had endured what you did, I think I would feel and behave just as you are."

The sobs began to ease off, the trembling diminish. "R-Really?"

"You're strong, Zack. And you are not broken, even if you feel that way. We're going to get you better. It's not work or trouble for me to be with you. Any time you're afraid, day or night, I'll be with you. I'll never leave you in the dark alone."

Zack made a choking noise and tightened his arms around his mentor, nuzzling the broad chest with his face, which seemed to comfort him. "I love you too," he whispered. "I'm sorry but...will you stay?"

"Every night, if you want. I'm quite comfortable." It wasn't really a lie. The headboard was hard, but as a SOLDIER he'd slept in much worse places, and getting to hold Zack's warm body and keep him safe more than made up for it.

Going on instinct again, Angeal placed a few soft kisses into the boy's sweet-smelling hair, smiling to feel Zack sigh and relax a little more with each. Zack drifted into a peaceful sleep over the next few minutes, only stirring to snuggle closer or unconsciously touch his teacher's hair. Angeal stayed awake for a while, pondering the knife in his heart and the unhelpful twist it kept taking.

__

zazazaz

Angeal wouldn't admit to himself that he was actually enjoying Zack's clinging, mentally insisting that it was only the boy's calmness when they were close that made him happy. As the helicopter that would take them to Wutai lifted off, they were forced to sit opposite each other and buckled in until a certain altitude was reached, and though they were separated only by a few feet, Angeal could sense Zack's unease. As soon as the pilot - one of two Turks aboard - gave the signal that seatbelts could be removed, Zack practically flew to Angeal's side.

Zack's fear of heights as a kid had left him as a cadet, when he had been made to confront and conquer it, but the general state of fear that he was living in seemed to bring back childhood phobias. Strangers, the dark, unfamiliar noises, being alone. Angeal felt him trembling, so he put an arm around the boy and held him close, thinking that Zack's friends would hardly recognize him at the moment, this behavior was so unlike him. If the bald, dark-skinned Turk noticed Commander Hewley cuddling his pale student he made no sign of it, and Tseng, though too perceptive for Angeal's comfort, said nothing either.

The two choppers (there was one behind as an escort, carrying some of the luggage) landed just outside the entrance to the village, in a wide, man-made clearing that had been created for just that purpose. Zack stayed close to Angeal as they stepped out, though he was careful not to touch around other people, and stared at the ground while Angeal thanked Tseng and directed the army escorts to deliver their bags to the ShinRa House. This was the traditional residence of SOLDIERs stationed in Anzen, an attractive four-bedroom on the edge of the village. It was said to be very comfortable (especially as Anzen was the one place in Wutai that had electric power, courtesy of ShinRa) and Angeal was pleased to learn that it had a large garden as well. He had always held the opinion that tilling the soil was good for the soul, and thought such an activity might benefit Zack.

The villagers, always curious about visitors, came out of their homes and shops to watch the entourage pass through. They were greeted courteously and all smiled back, but kept a polite distance. Angeal noticed with some puzzlement that for a place so safe for children, there didn't seem to be many, not even for such a small town. Maybe that was why so many were looking at Zack. Kindly, but the boy still seemed uncomfortable and kept his eyes fixed on his boots. Angeal knew it was tradition in Wutai for new residents to be visited by a village's most prominent citizens, and wondered if Zack would be up for that.

The ShinRa House had only been vacated in the last few days, so it was ready for occupation at once. It had a calm, pleasant atmosphere, and though Zack was also made nervous by unfamiliar places, he would surely like it once he got used to it. They would be alone here, after all, except for the few hours each week the cleaning woman would be there, and if Angeal's presence was what Zack needed, he would have it. Every minute of every day, if necessary.

The Turks quickly checked the living room's computer console to make sure its link to ShinRa headquarters was working properly, then took their leave, reminding the commander of his obligation to check in with the company at regular intervals. Tseng looked one more time at Lieutenant Fair and seemed to want to say something, but he merely nodded and gave the order to move out. As the party headed back to the helicopters, they could be heard distributing small gifts to the onlookers, a gesture of ShinRa's good will. When the noise at last subsided and all was quiet, Angeal went to Zack and touched his shoulder. The boy immediately stepped closer into the hug that was waiting for him.

"It's going to be okay."

A soft knock sounded at the door, and Zack flinched. _Damn,_ Angeal thought.

"Someone dropping by to welcome us, no doubt. You don't have to stay, okay? I'll introduce you and you can go to your room, all right?"

Zack nodded and reluctantly let go, standing stiffly as Angeal crossed the room and opened the door. The benevolent face of an elderly man greeted him with a respectful bow. The stranger appeared wizened, but he moved with surprising agility as Angeal invited him in. 

He was dressed simply, as Anzen natives usually were, but he wore a peculiar head-piece with black feathers dangling from it, and carried a staff adorned with odd carvings and pieces of brightly-colored stones. Angeal had read enough about Anzen, and knew enough about Wutai, to guess that this was the village elder, the people's spiritual leader. Angeal addressed him as such with the proper title, and the man shook his head and spoke perfectly in the Common Tongue used by ShinRa and most other places.

"We aren't so formal here. Please call me Taikan, as everyone does."

"A pleasure to meet you. I'm Commander Angeal Hewley, 1st Class SOLDIER. This is my student Lieutenant Zack Fair, 3rd Class. We also prefer to be called by our given names."

Taikan shook Angeal's hand warmly, then turned to the boy who was nervously approaching, and a sympathetic expression came over his wrinkled face. "You don't need to come close if you'd prefer not to, child," he said gently.

A week ago Zack would have pouted and protested being addressed by that word, but now he stopped and looked timidly at the dark eyes observing him. Angeal looked back and forth between them and determined that there was no harm in the old man's gaze, or at least no intended harm. It did, however, worry him that it was probing, that it seemed to see right into the boy. Zack must have had the same concern, because he looked away and began to tremble.

"Zack, why don't you get started unpacking?"

He nodded and left the room a bit too quickly to be casual. Taikan watched him go sadly, and at first declined an offer of tea, only accepting when Angeal insisted. Angeal was impeccably well-mannered by nature, but he was also curious about this important and revered figure of the community. Village elders not only mediated disputes, performed weddings and often acted as leaders, they also served as a village's connection to its patron god, and were reputed to perform magic without the aid of materia. Angeal hoped to know this man better...and he couldn't deny that Taikan's presence seemed to carry with it a sense of well-being.

"We are always glad to meet SOLDIERs," Taikan said as he accepted a cup of tea and bowed his thanks. "Our nation as a whole would not agree with this attitude, but here we believe that our god sent ShinRa to protect us during the war. You see, otherwise we in Anzen would have certainly been taken over by a more aggressive village."

Angeal nodded. "I'm a friend of Sephiroth's. I've heard about his effort to preserve this village that led to the peace between us."

The elder smiled fondly. "Such a polite boy. My countrymen may call him a demon, but we found him to be quite reasonable and pleasant. There's great power in that one, perhaps even too much for any one person to carry. I hope he uses it for good...but he is your friend, you say? I hope he's well."

"He is, yes. It was Sephiroth's suggestion that Zack and I transfer here."

"He knows that this is a place of refuge, and of healing," Taikan said thoughtfully. "The wounded know that better than anyone."  
Angeal had never thought of Sephiroth that way, though it seemed appropriate, given the years of Hojo's control and the distancing effect of his reputation. "This is an ideal setting for young SOLDIERs to gain field experience without distraction or danger worse than they can handle," he said unconvincingly.

"I would like us to be friends, Angeal, and I have no wish to pry or meddle where it is not my place to do so. But it is my gift and my curse to see what most people cannot. That boy has been hurt very badly. You brought him here to restore his spirit."

The commander kept his expression neutral, though his hands shook, forcing him to set his teacup down. "Can you see what happened to him?"

"Not clearly, no. Though knowing the cruelties of man against man, I believe I can guess," Taikan sighed. "It is terrible to see so bright a soul diminished. The gods do not forgive the willful harming of the young and innocent. Nor do you, I sense."

"Zack is...important to me," Angeal admitted.

"Your heart is a good one, and the bond between you and the child is strong. In this place, I believe you may recall him to the life he led before he was hurt. But, after you are settled, perhaps you will consider letting me help him as well. The mind does not heal as readily as the body, but I have some skill in treating both."

"I will consider your offer. Thank you."

Taikan stood and bowed again. "I must go. I'm sure you have much to do."

"One more question, if you don't mind. I noticed there are very few children here."

The elder heaved a weary, old-man sigh. "True. Our peaceful ways are not exciting enough for many of the young ones, and they leave as soon as they can care for themselves. And some of them..."

Taikan trailed off here, and a dark shadow crossed his face. As curious as Angeal was about what he'd begun to say, he couldn't press so obviously painful an issue. Probably an illness or an accident, he told himself, and bid the elder good-day.

__

zazazaz

Zack went to bed before his teacher that first night. Angeal went to check on him a few minutes later, and found the boy staring out the window, shivering.

"Puppy?"

"Shadows," Zack whispered. He was standing in the frosty glow cast by the moon, which made his fair skin a softly luminescent white. He looked so pure. So lost. So...

Angeal switched on the dim bedside lamp, and Zack instinctively turned to the warm golden light. He smiled weakly.

"Is that to keep the shadows away?"

"No. That is what I am for." Angeal took what was becoming a very familiar position against the headboard. It was cushioned, that was a nice surprise. "Come here."

Zack was hesitant as he shuffled closer, embarrassed that he needed so much comfort. But he allowed himself to be drawn to Angeal's chest (so wide, so easy to hide in) and a blanket to be tucked around them. Angeal could feel the kid's weariness and pain as he carded the silky black spikes through his fingers.

"Angeal? Will I always be like this?"

"No, Pup, no. You just need time. You'll feel safe again. This place is safe, and I won't let anything happen to you."

"What if I don't...what if I can never sleep alone again?"

Angeal wrapped the blanket more securely around him. "Then you will never sleep alone again."

"Why do you care about me?" The voice, though dull, was not self-deprecating but curious.

"I don't know. I can't understand anyone who doesn't love you."

Wetness on his T-shirt, in the spot Zack's eyes were pressed to. "You don't...know."

"Know what?"

"I called him your name. I n-needed to...it hurt, and...he made his voice like yours, and..."

"Oh, Puppy." Angeal pressed his lips to the top of Zack's head. "None of that was your fault."

"He said I could pretend...to make it easier..."

"If doing that made it a little easier, then I'm glad you did it."

Zack let out a frustrated, heartbroken wail. "I couldn't! I couldn't make you part of that! He kept saying you would be gentle, make it nice, I didn't want it to be nice - "

"It's all right." Angeal half-expected Zack to fight him, to channel this anger, and would have let him release that. But the boy only clung.

"But I kept seeing your face, it wouldn't go away he wouldn't _stop_ \- "

Angeal cupped the back of his head as Zack sobbed, tightening the other arm around him like a forcefield to keep out the world that was full of hurting. The planet that had continued its orbit, unconcerned, while this precious boy was held down and violated by a man who masqueraded as Zack's protector. The shadows cast by dangers that Zack's mind saw everywhere now.

"I wanted it to keep hurting, but...but..."

Angeal understood. "You came. I know. And that was not your fault."

Zack's breathing was so erratic that he was nearly convulsing with the effort to inhale and exhale. Angeal remembered the pressure points he had learned with his survival skills and went to them, trying each for a few seconds and finding the best result at the small of the teenager's back. A few moments of firm massaging with his strongest fingers pushed the excess oxygen out of Zack's lungs, and his drained face fell, exhausted, into Angeal's warmth.

"Puppy," the commander said, blinking a growing mist from his eyes, "there is nothing you can tell me that will make me blame you for what they did."

"When I could see you," Zack whispered, nearly asleep, "it _was_ easier..."

As soon as the boy was still and quiet, Angeal tucked the lolling head under his chin and wept, shaking with the cries he dared not utter aloud.

__

zazazaz

The first few days were spent familiarizing themselves with Anzen and its surrounding area. To the north, beyond the farmers' fields and orchards, the lush green ended in a rocky, barren coast. To the south, east and west was the forest, some of it only a pleasant wood, some as impenetrable as a jungle. Zack said it reminded him a little of Gongaga, only with different kinds of plants, and Angeal took that as a good omen. They quickly found a clearing on the far side of a babbling brook that was large enough to spar in, and Angeal was careful to ask Taikan for permission, thinking it might be a holy place.

"The gods dwell everywhere here," was the answer. "But that place is not forbidden. It was cleared years ago...use it. The land would like to be used for something good."

Angeal had thought of questioning this strange answer, but Taikan shifted the subject to ask about Zack. Angeal had not yet relayed Taikan's offer to the boy, wanting to give him time to settle and uncertain how he would react to the elder's perception. He was being over-careful with Zack in general, insisting they work together against even the weakest fiends, and keeping their spars short, often stopping to show interest (real or feigned) in a peculiar bush or flower. Zack was typically eager to keep fighting, but often he showed no reaction, or merely stared glumly at whatever Angeal showed him.

During one such break, Zack wandered over to the stream and dipped his fingers in it, watching how the disturbance broke up his already-distorted reflection. The mud beneath the shallow water had a pleasant, silky smooth feel to it. He pushed his fingers deeper and felt something roundish and smooth. The flowing water washed it clean as he lifted his hand back into the air, and he stared at it curiously.

"What do you have there, Pup?" Zack turned to show him, and Angeal saw that it was a shiny, bright stone of a pale blue he was very fond of. It glistened like a gem in the sunlight. "Ah. Pretty."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, I've never seen a rock like that before. We could ask Taikan. He might know."

He was pleased to see Zack nod without much hesitation. As they passed through the village on their way to the elder's home, faces that were becoming familiar to Angeal were everywhere, and he was able to greet many by name. It had become common for strangers to cheerfully introduce themselves and offer their thanks to ShinRa for continuing to protect the village. Zack always stayed behind Angeal during these meetings, murmuring a quick hello and occasionally summoning up a vague smile. The natives always looked at him kindly, and though Angeal suspected the village women wanted very badly to pinch the boy's cheek or pat his head, they all kept a respectful distance. 

Angeal wondered if Taikan had told them to do this, or if they were all just perceptive enough to see that it was necessary. Even the village doctor who handled mako injections for the stationed SOLDIERs moved very slowly in Zack's presence, touching him as little as possible and making no comment about the boy's mentor keeping an arm around him during the procedure.

Taikan was delighted to see the, gesturing them into the shelter of thick-leaved trees where he had been sitting in mediation putside the small house. A brightly-colored blanket patterned with images from the planet and the sky was spread out over the ground, and he insisted they join him on it for tea. The drink was cool and flavored with something like mint, and both SOLDIERs felt its calming effect as they drank.

"I hope we're not disturbing you, Taikan - "

"Not at all!"

" - but Zack found something interesting in the brook and we wondered if you could identify it."

The 3rd shyly placed the stone on the blanket and quickly drew his hand back. Taikan peered at it with a surprised chuckle.

"Ah, a Leviathan's Tear! You don't see many of these, certainly not in the wild anymore." He smiled at Zack, who timidly looked up and seemed to relax a bit. "There's a story that explains. Would you like to hear it?"

Zack turned for permission to Angeal, who nodded. "Yes, please."

"All right. You may know that Leviathan is not only the patron god of Anzen, but the guardian deity of all Wutai. Long, long ago, in the time of our earliest ancestors, the god Leviathan walked in a human form, just like you and me. He was a great wizard who shunned the company of his fellow gods to observe the ways of men, and he traveled all over, helping all who asked his assistance.

"But these other gods were offended by Leviathan's refusal to live among them, and as they listened to the planet, all they could hear was praise for Leviathan, not for any of them. They became jealous, and decided to curse him as punishment for stealing the worship of their followers away. They came upon him sleeping, and changed Leviathan into a beast of fearsome proportions, enormous and scaly, the form of a great and terrifying serpent.

"When Leviathan awoke, he did not realize, at first, what had happened. Even the gods, you see, cannot change a man's heart. Though a monster on the outside, the divine wizard was still the same in his caring for humanity and his good intentions. But men are, sadly, all too often unable to see past the skin. They shunned Leviathan as he had once shunned his own kind, and ran in terror whenever he approached."

A tear trickled down Zack's cheek. He was lost in the story and didn't seem to notice it.

"Don't worry, all was not lost. One day Leviathan emerged from the sea where he had taken to hiding, and saw a young fisherman patiently holding out a line and waiting for a bite. Leviathan didn't wish to frighten the human or scare his catches away, but the young man did not seem at all afraid. That intrigued Leviathan, so he crept quietly onto the sand and sat beside him. To his astonishment, the fisherman turned and spoke pleasantly to him, remarking on the warmth of the day and the fine breeze that whirled along the coast.

"It had been a long time since Leviathan had spoken to anyone, but he shyly struck up a conversation, and the man and the god were soon chatting and laughing like old friends. At last, Leviathan could stand it no longer and asked, 'Why do you not run away like the others? Does not my appearance repulse you?'

"The fisherman seemed surprised and answered, 'My friend, I have been blind since birth. But I do not need to see to know that so good a heart as yours could never repulse me, whatever the form that conceals it.'

"To test what the man claimed, Leviathan restored his sight with the touch of a scaly claw, and the fisherman thanked him, showing no sign of fear or disgust as he looked upon Leviathan for the first time. The two remained the best of friends for all the man's long life, and after his death, Leviathan became the protector of his descendants and the nation they grew into. The nation of Wutai."

Zack smiled at the happy ending, and looked directly into the elder's eyes for the first time, his anxiety temporarily forgotten. Taikan held up the blue stone so it glistened in the afternoon sun.

"While Leviathan was alone and friendless, he wept many tears, and it is said that they hardened into this rare stone at the moment his solitude was ended. Those who find them by chance are favored by the god, and most especially this particular stone, I think."

He held it out to them and pointed to something neither SOLDIER had noticed, a tiny hole that ran through the rock at its narrowest end. "Clearly it is meant to be worn as a talisman, possibly for good luck, possibly for healing, whatever is needed. If you like, I can thread a string of leather through the hole so you may wear it around your neck."

Zack nodded, and the old man went into the house for a moment. When he returned, his fingers - more nimble than they looked - slipped the leather thong through the stone easily and tied its ends securely together. He placed the necklace on the blanket, and Zack retrieved and put it on, touching it with wonder.

"Thank you," he said, with more life in his voice than Angeal had heard since Genesis and Lazard took it away.

"You are very welcome, young one. Keep it close to you. Leviathan's domain is water, the healing element. He will guide you where you are meant to go, when you are ready." Taikan smiled. "Until then, I hope you and Angeal will visit me again. Either of you are welcome here at any time."

Zack squeezed the charm tightly, and its vivid blue seemed to return some of the vitality and color to his eyes. "Okay."

__

zazazaz

A few months passed, and under Angeal's watchful gaze, Zack seemed to be growing stronger. He had begun to spar with the same eagerness and determination that had made him stand out to Angeal in the first place, he ate more regularly and had even put on some more muscle weight, and it was safe once again to let him fight increasingly tougher monsters on his own. At the same time, his classwork and Angeal's reports of his skill continued to be excellent, and Angeal was confident that he could soon recommend elevation to 2nd Class. Zack still rarely liked to be alone, but he stopped hiding timidly behind Angeal when they walked in the village, and sometimes he even said hello first to someone they passed by.

Angeal knew his own presence and care were the main supports holding Zack up, but was also quite certain that Zack's visits to Taikan were helping him too. He accompanied him now and then, listening unobtrusively as the elder told fantastic tales that had been preserved in Anzen for generations. Before Zack left each time, Taikan touched his head in blessing, and Angeal wondered if there was some healing magic in the gesture. Certainly Zack always seemed relieved and relaxed when he left Taikan, thoughtfully fingering the protective talisman he wore around his neck.

He never took it off, not even while sleeping. Angeal knew this because their nighttime routine had not changed. The dark still made Zack nervous, and Angeal was in no hurry to give up the confident and protective feeling he had when the boy slept peacefully in his arms. Besides, the nightmares still came sometimes, and if they were very violent, it was necessary that Zack be woken and then eased back to sleep. The ones that didn't cause thrashing and screaming, only crying and soft whimpers, could usually be banished by a few soft words or a touch. Angeal's hand would make its familiar petting motion over Zack's hair, and he would instantly quiet and go limp again.

Angeal had no trouble sleeping in this position, though Zack's close proximity often necessitated a hasty dash to the privacy of a shower first thing in the morning. The commander remained determined to protect Zack from feelings that would certainly drive him away, or at least set him back in his healing. The boy's admission that it had helped him to imagine Angeal in Genesis's place meant nothing. Angeal knew he represented love and safety for Zack, the two things he had cried for the most beneath Genesis's hands. He was resolved to put Zack's half-awake confession out of his mind, and then it happened.

Angeal woke in the night to feel Zack moving restlessly, whining softly and puppy-like. He whispered "Ssh, it's all right" and ran his hand over the spikes mussed by sleep and tossing. The fear drained from Zack's expression, but there was some other anxiety in its place now, one Angeal couldn't identify, and the noises didn't stop, just changed. Zack was breathing heavily, but he didn't seem panicked.

"No," Zack moaned softly, not making the word a plea as he had the other times, but sounding more like he used to when Angeal woke him up early or made him quit a VR program before he wanted to.

"I'm here, Pup, it's just you and me."

The boy was shivering. Angeal quickly took the blanket off to wrap him better, and froze for a moment as he looked down. Zack's T-shirt had slid up his body in his sleep, exposing a strip of taut, creamy white skin, but even that couldn't hold Angeal's wide eyes for long. Below it, a noticable bulge was stretching the black boxers, legs moving restlessly around it, closer to stimulate it, then abruptly spreading as though in shame.

 _Oh fuck fuck fuck._ Angeal ordered himself to stay calm. Maybe it would go away on its own. If not, Zack's dream didn't seem to be upsetting him, quite the opposite. (Angeal hurriedly continued his reasoning before he could become entranced by the slight flush of the boy's cheeks, and oh Gaia, the way he was moving.) The dream could carry through to its natural conclusion, a perfectly normal phenomenon for a teenaged boy, after all. In the morning, Zack would be embarrassed and hope his mentor hadn't noticed, and Angeal would say nothing, and never think again about this sight that was making his throat dry. Excellent plan.

Except that Zack was waking up, tilting his face and blinking sleepily at Angeal. "What..." he mumbled, confused.

"Ssh, it's still late. Close your eyes," the commander said desperately. "You need to sleep."

He began to rock, knowing from experience that the motion worked, but it was too late. With horror filling up those exquisite eyes, Zack looked down, and because the blanket was still in Angeal's frozen hand, he saw. He must have felt it first, but it was the sight that set him shaking, slowly turning his head from side to side in a refusal to accept this.

"Oh no, no no no - "

"Pup, it's okay, it's normal, it just happens - "

"No," Zack sobbed, fisting Angeal's shirt with both hands and burying his face in it. "No no no bad bad bad _bad_..."

"It's not bad," Angeal said gently, speaking a little louder to be heard. "It doesn't mean anything, it can happen during a nightmare too."

"I can't I can't I can't..."

Petting still, trying to reassure, Angeal took a moment to realize what this meant. Though he was by Zack's side day and night, he had assumed that Zack did what all boys his age did in the bathroom. Rape or no, he was sixteen, it was to be expected. But this reaction...had he really not masturbated once in all these months? Not even gotten stiff?

Zack's arms had hooked around Angeal's neck, and his body was awkwardly twisted to keep his arousal from touching his mentor. The boy wept hysterically against the nearest shoulder, trying to hide from himself. Angeal quickly put his fingers to the usual pressure point and massaged firmly, and Zack jumped under the touch, hypersensitive and wriggling though he was trying desperately to stay still. It helped with the mounting panic, but that left Zack with a feeling he wanted even less, and his muscles were quivering with it. 

Angeal's heart sank. It was not going to go away.

"Pup," he said as steadily as he could, "this has not changed. You have not changed. This is a normal thing."

"I just want it to go away make it go away," Zack wailed pitifully.

"You know how to make it go away," Angeal said gently. "Do you want me to leave the room?"

A long, keening cry burst out of the boy's mouth, he held onto the bigger body in terror, and Angeal cursed himself for the question and knew he would not, could not, let Zack go through a moment of this alone. No matter what happened.

"Don't leave me don't leave me I'm sorry I'm sorry," Zack babbled in a string of rushed pleas. 

"Ssh, I won't leave, I promise. I'll stay right here. Puppy...you can do this. I'll hold on to you, okay?"

"It's bad, it's not safe..."

"It's not bad, nothing about you is bad. And you're safe. This is safe. Nothing bad will happen, and you'll feel better."

"Angeal," the boy wept, "it...hurts..."

That was the last straw. Angeal knew this was wrong, it might cause further damage, it was especially unforgivable because part of him wanted it. But Zack's insistence that this - something he was supposed to enjoy - was bad, the thought of him going through hormone-ridden months without release, and now actually physically hurting from the need he was afraid to tend to...Angeal couldn't stand it another second. He couldn't jerk Zack off himself, that would make him hardly better than the monsters who started this, but there was another option.

"Puppy, do you trust me?"

"Y-Yes," the boy gasped, without hesitation.

With his heart breaking but his mind made up, Angeal took Zack's hand and guided it between his legs, positioned the fingers to grip the swollen organ through the fabric. Zack let out another wail, but he clung tighter, the only struggle a shifting that the arm around him easily subdued. Angeal's hand remained in place, holding the boy's as it twitched. Was that refusal? He couldn't bear to think so.

"It's okay, it'll be okay. Let me show you."

Angeal moved Zack's hand to make the first stroke. He wasn't sure if the cry that followed was from pleasure or fear, but it was definitely needy. Zack couldn't press himself any closer, but he was trying anyway, like he was trying to escape the betrayal of his own body by fleeing into his teacher's. Angeal wanted to get this over with, for Zack's sake, but he could not do this roughly or hastily. He was determined to show his puppy gentleness, to remind him that this was supposed to feel good. That the intention behind it was everything, and however afraid Zack was, it was of what had happened to him before, not what was happening now.

"Angeal..." Zack groaned as his hand was made to squeeze before the strokes continued. "I...can't..."

"You can, Pup. Think about whatever helps. I promise, it won't be wrong."

"Angeeeeeal..."

"No one can pollute this, Zack. No one can pollute you. I love you. Let me help you remember how this is supposed to be."  
Zack's hand was relaxed now, allowing Angeal's to cover and guide it. The pressure was still there, it was growing, in fact, but now there was a release in sight. The boy moaned with pleasure, and the dampness from his open mouth went through Angeal's shirt and made his skin tingle. His fingers tightened around Zack's, making them curl more closely around the hot, pulsing length, making them stroke faster. Zack began to thrust into his own hand, and by extension into Angeal's, letting his head tilt back and his pink lips fall into a round 'O'.

"Unh, unh, unh, unh..."

His eyelids were fluttering, the muscles of the flat stomach shaking under Angeal's steadying arm. Zack was giving himself to this completely, in total abandon, having somehow raced past the fear and into a place where pleasure was safe again. Angeal brought their hands to the swollen head, made Zack's palm thrust against it once, twice...

"What are you thinking of?" the 1st whispered, not meaning to speak aloud.

"ANGEAL!" the boy shouted in ecstasy, and slumped unconscious in his embrace, with their hands full of wet fabric and the question either not heard, or answered.

**Continued.**


	4. What Conscience Makes

**WHAT CONSCIENCE MAKES  
Part 4 of the Like A Dance series**

When Angeal woke the next morning, he was alone. That wasn't so strange, sometimes Zack rose earlier and would be found making breakfast or watering the garden. Giving himself a little time to process what had happened the previous night, Angeal quickly showered and dressed before heading to the kitchen, which was empty and quiet. Panic was already rising as he checked the garden, the whole house. Zack was gone. 

_No, Gaia no, if something happened to him if he hurt himself if I lose him...no, calm down! Be rational. There's an explanation._

Angeal tried in vain to relax himself enough to try to sense Zack. SOLDIERs with high mako levels could often vaguely feel the presence of each other. Not 3rds, generally, but Angeal had always had a stronger bond with Zack and could, on occasion, just _feel_ him, sense his beautiful life-force. Is that what Taikan had sensed that first day in Wutai, the bond he had commented on? 

_Taikan._ Angeal's heart began to beat again, and he raced from the house. _Thank you, Gaia._

Sure enough, beyond the little gate, in the shady spot where the three of them had had tea many times, there was Zack, sitting quietly as the elder ground some leaves with a mortar and pestle and explained what he was doing. Angeal approached silently, holding to what he had left of anger, needing it, but wanting more than anything to just pick the boy up and hold him and never let him go. 

" - the resulting paste is excellent for toothache, and if you add saffronberry, it - oh, Angeal! How nice to see you." 

Zack was sitting with his knees gathered to his chest. At his mentor's approach, he shrank into himself, ducking his head down behind strands of fine black hair. Taikan looked back and forth between them, observing the boy's anxiety and the man's well-controlled hysteria, and spoke gently to Zack. 

"You know I am always pleased to spend time with you, young one. But in Anzen, children do not go anywhere without the permission of those who are in charge of them. I believe you've given your commander quite a scare." 

Zack said nothing, and didn't look up. Angeal wanted to reassure, unable to bear the thought that the boy might be afraid of him, but Zack was not apologizing profusely, and that was odd enough to give him pause. 

"I'm sorry, Taikan, but I need to take Zack home. He and I need to talk." 

"Of course, of course." 

"Puppy, I'm going to help you up." 

It was standard for Angeal to tell Zack before any unexpected touching, though the warnings had become mostly unnecessary. But the boy got to his feet before a hand could reach him, and continued to stare at the ground, letting Angeal have only a brief glimpse of something that could have been fear, but also resembled anger. It looked for a moment like Zack might storm past him, so Angeal gently but firmly took him by the arm and walked him back to the house. Even when the door closed and Angeal whirled around, Zack refused to look up. 

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? You vanished without a word, without a note! Gaia, Zack, for all I knew, you were hurt or kidnapped or worse!" 

"Worse?" The boy spoke at last, his voice choked. "Worse than what's happened already?" 

The question wasn't calculated to deflate him, but it did anyway. "Pup, I'm not angry at you, all right? I was scared. You cannot go off without telling me. Why did you do this? Zack? Look at me." 

The dark hair parted at last to reveal white skin and tired, pale blue eyes. "Last night..." he whispered uncomfortably. 

_Fuck._ "Puppy, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't stand to see you suffer like that. Please forgive me." 

"Forgive... _you_?" Zack looked confused, devastated. Haunted, more than anything else. "You helped me. You always help. I didn't want you to have to look at me." 

"What? Why wouldn't I want to look at you?" Angeal asked gently. "Because of last night? That wasn't your fault." 

Zack's eyes flickered up, flaring mako green. "Is _anything_ my fault? Does being fucked by Genesis and Lazard make me perfect or something?!" 

Angeal closed his eyes for a moment. It was the first time since arriving in Wutai that Zack had spoken their names. It should have been a sign of progress, but the boy looked like he was getting ready to tear something apart. Maybe himself. 

"Puppy - " 

"I made you worry! After everything you've done for me! What do I have to do to make you angry?!" 

"You made a mistake," Angeal said calmly. "But it's all right. As long as you're all right - " 

Zack turned on his heel and headed for the kitchen. The commander was frozen for a moment - never before had Zack walked away while he was talking. However distracted or excitable, the young man had always been polite. Angeal followed, and froze again in the doorway, only for a second, all his panic would allow him. Zack was standing on the sun-drenched tile, holding a carving knife, dragging it across his inner forearm with a blank expression as blood dripped nightmarishly to the floor. 

"ZACK!" Angeal was across the room instantly, throwing the knife down, grabbing a small clean towel and wrapping it tightly around the wound. 

"Did I make you mad?" the boy asked dully. 

"Yes! Yes, you've made me mad!" 

Angeal seized Zack around the waist, nearly lifting him off the floor, and dragged him back into the living room. There was a wooden cabinet there where Potions and other Items were kept, and a couch right beside it. He deposited the boy onto the cushions, one hand holding a shoulder to keep him down, and quickly rummaged through the cabinet for a small bottle. Zack stared at him sullenly as it was pushed into his hand. 

"Drink. Now." 

"No." 

An outright refusal, another first, and it pushed anger into a lead ahead of fear, just for a moment. "That is an order, Lieutenant!" he nearly shouted. 

Chin quivering but petulant frown remaining, Zack grudgingly opened the little vial and drained its contents. Angeal waited a moment, trying to steady his breathing, and carefully removed the towel to examine the cut. Already, the flesh had knit itself back together, and before his eyes all evidence of it faded, leaving white skin that was smooth and unmarked. Angeal ran his hand over it cautiously, as though trying to soothe a hurt that was no longer there. The arm was trembling under his touch; the fist clenched to make it stop. 

"Puppy..." 

"Just tell me I'm bad," Zack whispered. "Please." 

Angeal wanted to hide the boy in his arms, but he didn't know if Zack would consent to being held just yet. Needing to keep in physical contact nonetheless, he leaned forward a little and placed his hands on the boy's hips. From this level, he could see Zack's face even though it was tilted downwards. 

"You are not bad. What you did just now was stupid, and if you ever give me reason to think you might do it again, I will take your sword and everything else remotely sharp away for good. But you are _not_ bad." 

"I didn't mean...I meant last night." 

"You were afraid. You needed to be reassured. What's bad about that?" 

"I needed you to..." Zack squirmed a little, heat rising into his pale cheeks. "I liked it." 

"That was why I did it, Pup, to show you that it's a good thing, that it's not supposed to hurt. I'm glad you liked it." 

The boy shook his head. The words he needed seemed to be sticking in his throat. 

"Zack, I know you must be embarrassed. But there's no need to be. We can forget it if you want." Angeal gently stroked the hips with his hands, then stopped immediately when Zack tensed. "Or I can keep helping you until you feel all right doing that by yourself. I know it's scary, but it's better than the nightmares, right?" 

"You...know I haven't been having them lately?" 

"It's what I assumed. You've been much less restless." 

Zack looked up at him, his sweet face hardened with sadness and defiance. "I didn't tell you because...I like having you close when I'm sleeping." 

"Pup, you could have told me. I'll keep staying with you as long as you like." 

"Why do you have to be so nice to me? Why can't you yell, or be disappointed, or tell me something I do is wrong?" 

"You haven't done anything wrong," Angeal said firmly, wishing he could make Zack accept this. 

"The dreams are wrong," the boy whispered. "You should punish me, not..." 

"Dreams, not nightmares? Good dreams? That's good, Puppy, I want you to have good dreams." 

"You don't understand!" Zack wailed, twisting away from the hands. "It's _you_! They're about _you_!" 

Angeal took a moment to absorb this, keeping his expression calm. Zack was dreaming about him, those kind of dreams? He felt a thrill at the thought but shoved it out of his mind, ashamed that he could be thinking that way now. He edged up onto the couch and put his arm around Zack, who tried to squirm away at first. With a few murmured words Angeal got him to stay still, just like at night, with the lesser nightmares that reassurances could banish. 

Moving slowly, Angeal coaxed Zack into his embrace, and though he whimpered, the boy couldn't deny that he craved his mentor's touch. 

"You're not upset? You're not mad?" 

"Of course I'm not mad. This is normal." 

"Is everything I do normal?" Zack asked harshly, getting agitated and trying to pull away again. Angeal held on and ran his fingers through the spiky hair, and willingly or no, Zack calmed a little. 

"Just listen, Pup, listen. You don't feel very safe, do you, most of the time?" 

"I do..." The boy didn't sound sure of himself. 

"With me, right?" 

"Yeah," Zack admitted. "Only with you." 

"Maybe you're clinging to that safety so much that you think there are other feelings involved," Angeal said gently. "Or, if you are really feeling something for me, it's probably because I'm a safe person to feel it for. You know I would never hurt you...at least I hope you do." 

Zack pressed his face against his teacher's shoulder, and tightened his arms around Angeal's neck as though he were expecting to be shoved away. "It was before too," he said in a soft, muffled voice. "I tried not to think about it...about you, that way. But Genesis knew." 

Angeal rested his chin on Zack's head and shut his eyes, trying to remember all that the boy had told him about the rape, much as he hated to think of it. "He told you that I wanted the same thing from you that he did, and that if you cared about me you would give it to me. I know you care, Puppy. I don't expect or need any more of you than what I have." 

"You're still not mad?" 

"You're sixteen, Zack, and I'm your teacher. Crushes are normal. I'm flattered, anyone would be." 

"Why?" 

The question was so innocent. When Angeal didn't answer, Zack hesitantly tilted his head up and found his mentor looking pained. A hand cupped Zack's cheek, gently rubbed the palm against soft skin. 

"Because anyone would be lucky to have you." 

"But..not you?" 

Angeal left his hand where it was, but turned his head away. He couldn't look at that face, and the beauty that was heartbreaking and heartbroken. _I can't let him see this. I need to be safe._

"Yes, me too," the commander heard himself say. "I would be very lucky. But I am your teacher. And anyway, that's not what you need right now. You need to feel safe." 

"You've always protected me," Zack whispered, returning his head to the familiar shoulder. "I feel safe when I'm with you." 

"Good." Angeal pressed his lips to the spiky hair and felt a shiver, unsure if it was Zack or himself or both. "But that's not enough." 

"What if I love you?" the boy asked, his voice wavering and intimating tears. 

"I love you too, Puppy." 

"Just...not enough?" 

"No," Angeal murmured, "too much. To much to risk losing this." 

They had a full day of patrolling for fiends ahead of them, and usually either one or both was eager for that. Besides, Angeal was responsible and took his duties seriously, whether they were personal or professional. But his most important and prized responsibility was so warm and sweet in his arms, shifting and nuzzling, adorably incapable of sitting still. Angeal decided he would stay there all day and be happy to, if that's what his puppy wanted. 

_zazazaz_

Over the following months, Zack began to take on harder monsters and longer patrols, and spent much of the rest of his time preparing for the exams he would have to pass to advance to 2nd Class. He was becoming stronger, and not just physically. His outbursts and crying came less and less often, though to Angeal's secret delight, he continued to cling and require careful attention. He didn't speak any more of his crush, though, and it seemed to Angeal like the boy was trying to make things the way they used to be between them. The differences were obvious, mostly in the case of the increased amount of touching between them since the rape. But somehow, not talking about it made it okay. 

Zack had always responded well to physical affection. Angeal had seen that from the beginning of their acquaintance and found himself uncharacteristically playing on that. There had always been hugs, hair-ruffling, pats on the back, some playful picking up on rare occasions. But this cuddling, Zack curling up on his lap and shifting in such a way that Angeal was hyperaware of every curve of his body, their hands finding each other with no conscious effort from either of them, Angeal's lips gently pressing Zack's hair or cheek and wanting to go lower, to go everywhere...this was new. 

And Angeal couldn't bring himself to object. But at the uncommon times when Zack wasn't with him (usually visiting Taikan, who was teaching him about herbs), he would rush to the bathroom and vent the arousal that kept storing up. He hated this need, this longing, the way he had meant to be a wall of safety for Zack and instead couldn't stop imagining him nude, legs opening, whispering his mentor's name with desire. Angeal cursed Genesis and Lazard every day, but some days himself too, just as angrily. 

In mid-autumn, a fever swept through Anzen. Not a dangerous one, only leaving its victims tired and weak for a varying recovery period. Zack caught it, and though his enhancements protected him from the full force of the illness, his activity had to be greatly restricted for a few weeks. The doctor visited often, smiling kindly at Angeal's worry, and said he was doing everything right, all that was required was time. He did express concern that the mako might be slowing the fever's progress and thus delaying recovery, so he suggested Zack skip his mako injections until it passed completely. 

"But that'll just make me weaker," Zack had complained. 

"Then maybe you'll be more likely to listen to me and rest," Angeal had said. 

Taikan often stopped by while Zack was sick and brought tea that helped him to sleep. If Zack was awake he would leave his bed and tiredly (but eagerly) ask for a favorite story, but if not, the two men would sit in the living room and talk. During one of these visits, Angeal decided to ask something he had been wondering. 

"What's the age of consent in Anzen?" 

If Taikan thought the question odd, he didn't let it show. "Eighteen." 

"Really?" Angeal was surprised. "They're children one minute and consenting adults the next?" 

The elder smiled. "Children become adults, usually, when we are not looking, and before we expect them to. Anzen's peace and isolation have allowed us to give our young ones a longer time of innocence and safety than most other places do. But it's never as simple as age, as a mere number. We only give them the opportunity to delay growing up a bit longer. I think you, in ShinRa, do the opposite." 

"Young SOLDIERs do have to grow up pretty quickly," Angeal agreed. "But Sephiroth is an extreme case." 

"I was not thinking of Sephiroth. I was thinking of Zack. He left his childhood eagerly, to be a SOLDIER, to become a hero. What happened to him has pushed him back to the feeling of helplessness he once ran from. But I think he is getting better. He's trying to be an adult again." 

"He's not ready," Angeal said without meaning to. 

"Sometimes they are ready to grow up before we're ready to let them. We fear losing what they are, and so we deny what they wish to become." 

"Do you speak from experience?" 

Taikan shook his head. "I have none of my own. But I have been a sort of grandfather to all the children born here." 

"If you don't mind my asking, what happened to them?" 

The elder looked mournfully at the walking stick he held on his lap. "When I told you that most of them simply grow up and move away, that was true. What became of some of them is not a topic any of us like to discuss. But I know now that I must tell you. Circumstances make it necessary. 

"You see, Angeal, our way of life is a quiet one, even dull for young ones seeking adventure and danger. Several years ago, the last teenagers left in Anzen rebelled against our peace and formed...well, you might call it a cult." 

"What kind of cult?" 

"It began with Konnan. Such a troublesome boy, even in his early years. Like the others, he listened to my stories of Leviathan. But he was unsatisfied, and began to tell his own to the other children, making Leviathan not a kindly god but a powerful, vengeful spirit that could only be placated and harnessed by the offering of a terrible sacrifice. Many fell under Konnan's spell. He was a charismatic boy, very persuasive. A boy who had refused to join them disappeared, and Konnan and his gang were blamed for it. They were driven out of Anzen, but the whole business was a terrible shock to us. Some sent their young ones to live with relatives elsewhere in Wutai, for safe-keeping, and some simply refused to have more children." 

The heaviness in Taikan's expression brought a twist of dread to Angeal's stomach. "Why is it necessary to tell me this now?" 

"Because there are whispers that the cult has returned to this area. They may only be rumors brought on by old fear, but that is a chance you cannot take. You protect Zack with all your heart. You must keep doing so." 

Angeal's heart was pounding, but he nodded solemnly. "I will. Thank you." 

"Of course. I must go, but I will let you know if I hear anything. Please tell Zack I hope to see him soon." 

Angeal walked Taikan to the door, then stopped him as he was about to depart. "The 'terrible sacrifice' the cult makes to Leviathan...what is it?" 

"Blood," the elder said softly, painfully. "The kind of blood, unless I am mistaken, that your young charge had taken from him." 

_zazazaz_

Taikan's news and the warning that came with it could not have come at a good time, as there was no such thing, but this one still seemed especially bad. Just when Zack seemed to be getting better, just when his eyes were starting to shine again with the energy Angeal had always found so endearing. He would have to tell him. An order to stay close and be more cautious would only frighten the boy if no reason for it was given, though Gaia only knew whether and how much this new threat would set him back. 

_Tomorrow_ , the commander resolved. _I'll tell him tomorrow, first thing. Nothing will change. He'll cling a little more, maybe, that's all._ The conscience that kept him from touching Zack any way but chastely was now assuring him that a brief delay would bring no harm, only give his puppy a few more hours without fear. Whatever the excuse, Angeal felt like a coward. 

That night, he tried to tell himself it wasn't so. Maybe it wasn't brave to deny his desires (and Zack's too, if the boy's feelings were what he claimed), but it was the right thing to do, it had to be. Zack couldn't be ready for a relationship yet, he was merely confused. And yet Taikan's words haunted Angeal's mind. _Sometimes they are ready to grow up before we are ready to let them. We fear losing what they are, and so we deny what they wish to become._

Angeal hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep at all until he was awoken by Zack's restless movement. It had become instinct for him to stir when the nightmares came, and he tightened his hold around the teenager and whispered "Ssh, it's all right." Even before the words were all out, he realized it was not that kind of dream. Zack was warmer than usual, not from the fever, breathing shallowly, and seemed torn between wanting more contact and wanting to pull away. 

_Oh Gaia, no._ The boy's face was unconsciously nuzzling his chest, right over a nipple that was unhelpfully sensitive right now. His hands were wandering over his teacher's shoulders, maybe seeking a better grip. And between his legs, through the straining fabric, like a piece of ripe fruit ready to be plucked... 

"Puppy." 

"I'm awake." The voice was trembling, frightened. 

"Do you want me to go for a few minutes so you can...or I can stay if you want me to." 

Zack hid his face in Angeal's T-shirt and began to cry. There were a few mumbled words with the tears, but the commander caught only one: "Bad." 

_It can't be. He's seventeen now, we've been here nearly a year and a half, he's still not doing this on his own?_

"Pup, I thought we cleared this up. It's not bad. Haven't you been...hasn't this been happening?" Angeal asked desperately. 

"Yes," Zack gasped, "but then I think of _them_ and it goes away. It's not working, I can't think of anything but - " His hands fell from the broad shoulders, and he began to move away. "I'm sorry." 

Angeal gently caught him and brought the boy directly onto his lap. He usually avoided having Zack on top of the part of him that the kid's closeness tended to excite, but he was thinking of Zack's unnecessary guilt right now and not the hip that was gently pressing him. It was behaving and remaining flaccid, for now. 

"It's okay, Zack. I wish you had told me, I want to help you." 

"You shouldn't have to deal with this." 

"Pup, there is no part of you that could ever offend me. There is no part of you that I don't care about." Whatever the morality of this, Angeal could not continue to let Zack think of this as something shameful. Crushes fade with time (if it was indeed just a crush); this problem would have to be worked through to make it go away. "Let me help, all right?" 

Zack hesitated, clung tighter, but nodded. "O-Okay." 

"Let's get these off, all right? To make it easier." 

Fighting to breathe quietly, Angeal took hold of Zack's boxers and began to gently tug them down his legs. Zack stifled a moan as the cloth rubbed him on its way off, and pressed his face against Angeal's neck, not knowing how sensitively his teacher felt the touch of those wet cheeks and quivering lips. Angeal tossed the shorts to the end of the bed and put his hand on Zack's legs, spreading them just a bit to soothingly caress a smooth inner thigh. All those squats had sculpted the limbs into something worthy of a marble statue. 

"Bad," Zack whimpered, and pressed a fist to his temple as though to crush the thoughts of his mentor out of his head. "I can't stop - " 

"It's not bad." Angeal took the fist, which unclenched for him, and brought it back to his shoulder. "I want you to think about whatever helps. You can think about me." 

Zack's upper body was twisted, so that though he sat sideways on Angeal's lap, their chests were nearly pressed together. Angeal had one arm looped around the boy's slender waist, and with the other took Zack's hand and slipped it under the boy's shirt, guiding him over the flat abdomen and stomach. 

"Feel how soft you are," the commander whispered, "how perfectly formed. Our bodies are meant to give us pleasure, and there's nothing wrong with that." 

"Angeal...oh Gaia..." 

Their hands descended, and Angeal spread Zack's fingers apart to cup the heavy balls. "This is natural, Puppy. This is where life comes from. And these feelings remind us that we are alive." 

The boy's mouth opened against Angeal's neck, sending a shiver through him, and the groans he made passed directly through Angeal's skin into his soul. It should have hurt, the idea of what they were doing and the trauma that made it necessary should have been as agonizing as ever. But despite all that, this felt _right_. It felt like the goal and fulfillment of everything Zack had ever been to him, little brother and student and adopted child, the thing Zack was both trying to be and running from in fear. 

Keeping his eyes on their hands, unable to look away, Angeal put his lips close to Zack's ear. "You see, Pup? You can feel good without anything bad happening. This is pure. _You_ are still pure, Zack. You are the same person you have always been." 

The boy let out a choked sob and shook his head against Angeal's shoulder. 

"You are. You are the same person I have always loved, and always will." 

"Not...bad?" The timid question held a million more behind and within itself. Not wrong? Not dirty? Not soiled? Not broken? Not my fault? 

"Not bad. Never bad." The commander threaded his fingers into Zack's hair and drew his head closer, bringing the face back between his jaw and shoulder. "You don't know how precious you are to me. You don't know how beautiful you are." 

Zack's mouth latched onto the sensitive skin of Angeal's neck and sucked at it gently, seeking this comforting touch as instinctively as a baby at his mother's breast. They moaned with pleasure at the same time, and Angeal pet his hair to encourage him, shuddering as the sweet lips moved on him and the tongue lapped. The 1st tried to keep his composure, tried to remember that none of this was for him. But it felt so damn _good_ , and he didn't think he could deny Zack anything. 

"Beautiful," he whispered again. "Believe me, Puppy. I'm your teacher, but I'm not blind." 

Now he arranged Zack's hand around the shaft itself, held there and supported by his own. A gentle stroke, up and down over the hairless and smooth skin that Angeal's fingertips had brief direct contact with. The boy's back arched, and his head fell into its previous place on his shoulder. One look at his face broke Angeal's control and hardened him instantly. The jewel-like eyes were heavy-lidded and glazed with arousal, the cheeks flushed slightly, the pink lips moist and parted. Another stroke, the eyes rolled back, and Angeal knew his own desire must be laid bare in his expression. 

Zack's free hand went to the back of his neck and tugged him down, and as their lips met, Angeal could no longer think of a single reason why this shouldn't happen. Zack's mouth remained closed for a moment, kissing chastely out of hesitation or inexperience, but when it opened Angeal's did the same. Zack stopped there, not seeking out but submissively, trustingly waiting for his teacher to find him. Waiting to be taught, and that should have hurt too, a reminder of the boy's youth and vulnerability. But Angeal felt only love and need and a fire of protectiveness, and gently his tongue teased Zack's out of hiding. 

"Mmm, mmm..." 

Zack was growing more confident, more insistent, pulling himself closer. His hand began to move on its own over his erection, in a rhythm that Angeal needed only to follow. This was how it was supposed to be, Zack working himself toward the pleasure that his youth was meant to be full of. Angeal would have smiled or encouraged, but his tongue was protruding from his mouth now and Zack's lips were around it, sucking hungrily. The clasped hands jerked faster and harder, the boy was shaking, and with a cry of surrender the entwined fingers were slick with white. At the same moment, Angeal thrust against Zack's hip as subtly as he could, and his shorts were soaked. 

The boy's body went limp and heavy, relaxing into the arms that cradled him. Angeal grabbed some tissues from the box beside the bed and gently cleaned Zack off. He debated just going to sleep, but the night was unusually cold, and Zack was already deeply under, enough to move him a little. Angeal carefully put him down on the clean blankets and got a pair of warmer pajamas from the dresser. Zack stirred a little as he was dressed, but once back in his teacher's embrace he snuggled and let out a contented sigh. 

_We'll talk in the morning_ , Angeal told himself as his eyes shut wearily. _In the morning, we'll figure everything out._

_zazazaz_

It was dark when Zack awoke and carefully untangled himself from the protective arms of his sleeping mentor. He didn't check the time, feeling annoyed that he couldn't even make a good guess as to the hour. He had grown used to the enhanced senses mako had given him, and without it he felt weak, like he was very slowly going blind. 

Zack smiled down at Angeal, his heart aching with love for the man who was so gruff to everyone else and so gentle to him. To think Angeal cared enough to have done _that_...to think Angeal didn't blame him for anything, had called him pure and beautiful. Zack didn't think he was either, but if Angeal valued something in him, it must be there. The question was...what to do now? Would Angeal give them a chance? What if he wouldn't, if he was horrified and apologetic and didn't trust himself anymore? 

_He won't give me away_ , Zack reminded his rising panic. _He promised. Angeal never breaks promises._

Another though occurred to him, even more horrifying - what if Angeal said yes, what if he wanted them to be together? It was what Zack wanted more than anything...but what if he couldn't do it? He had sought refuge in fantasies of Angeal entering him, wiping away the memory of Genesis's cruelty and Lazard's horrible gentleness. But what if it really happened, and he couldn't handle it? What if he froze up, or cried, or fought instinctively? Angeal would never touch him like that again, and worse, Angeal would be hurt. 

Zack wanted to see Taikan, to whom he had said nothing of the rape but who nonetheless seemed to understand everything. Taikan's stories and herbal teas and kind smile had done so much to make Zack feel safer. But it was dark and the village was silent, and Zack wouldn't wake the elder up, though he had been told he could. His next thought was to go back to Angeal, curl up in those arms and that protective embrace, his favorite place in the world...but no, he had to figure this out first, he had to think. 

Absently, his hand touched the blue stone he wore around his neck, and it made him think of Leviathan, of Taikan's insistence that he was favored by the god. Zack thought Taikan was probably just trying to comfort, but finding this stone had not felt random. He had felt compelled somehow to probe the mud with his fingers, and there was a sense of reassurance when he squeezed the pendant, like someone was with him. He had found it in water, "the healing element", Taikan had called it. Leviathan's element. 

In that instant, Zack knew where he had to go. He grabbed the first shoes he saw, a pair of white slippers, and quietly hurried out, remembering this time to leave a note in case Angeal woke up before he returned. 

The woods he had to pass through to get to the clearing were never inhabited by fiends, so Zack didn't think to bring his sword or any Items. As he stepped through the village streets and into the trees, Zack was grateful for the mako that lit up his eyes and allowed him to see his way through the night. 

Darkness and shadows still frightened him, but he pressed on as though driven by something, letting his mind wander a little to keep the fear at bay. He grumbled to himself about the mako treatments he had missed and his decreased strength, scolded himself for that stunt in the kitchen with the knife that had made Angeal so upset and horrified...Angeal. He wanted Angeal very badly and almost turned back, but just then, he was through the trees and into the clearing. 

It was beautiful at night, made bluish by the light of a full moon, with the leaves rustling quietly and the stream like a flowing ribbon of silver. It was lovely, it reminded him of Sephiroth's hair, and for the first time since coming to Anzen, Zack felt homesick. Drawn to the stream and its clear, unspoiled water, he knelt down on the grassy bank and bowed his head. Could Leviathan really be here? The 3rd Class was just starting to feel ridiculous when a noise behind him made him jump up and spin around, going automatically into a fighting stance though he had no weapon but his fists. 

It wasn't the great, snake-like guardian of Wutai that Zack had half-expected. It was five men - damn the low level of mako in his body, how could he have not sensed them sooner? - all in their early or mid-twenties, all strong-looking and dressed in somber black. Two of them were armed with strange swords, and Zack wondered quickly if these were the ninjas he'd heard about, but what were they doing here? His eyes passed over all this and over the tallest one, who seemed to be the leader, and then he froze. 

One of them was roughly holding a boy in front of him, probably a few years younger than Zack, and had a sharp knife to his throat. The kid was deathly pale and whimpering, and the sight of him brought up more fear, but also the heroic instincts that had led Zack to SOLDIER in the first place. 

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" he asked, trying to sound in control and not keep looking at the kid. 

"I might ask you that," the leader said, looking at Zack in what seemed to be awe. "But I already know the answer. You see, my brothers? Do any of you doubt still? The god has made his own choice, and all that remains is for us to deliver it." 

The leader stepped closer, and as his unkind, unremarkable features became clearer, it occurred to Zack that he was standing directly in a large patch of moonlight. They could see him perfectly, including his lack of armor or weapons. Zack cursed himself for being so unprepared, but the strangers were in fact not remotely concerned about him being a threat. They had taken notice of his age, and his fear for their captive. The leader, especially, approached without fear, causing Zack to take an involuntary step back. 

The leader's breath caught in his throat, and he felt a tremendous excitement as he examined the young man before him. He was dressed all in white, the color of purity, but that was just the beginning. 

"You wear a Leviathan's Tear," the leader said softly, pitching his voice so his comrades could hear clearly. "Do you see, brothers? A sign of the god's favor." 

"Look at his eyes," one of them exclaimed. "The same color, like the water our lord was banished to by the envious gods." 

They all murmured excitedly to one another, while the leader smiled strangely and Zack tried to summon up bravado and got only frightened silence. The look in those cold eyes was one he remembered from nightmares, and Angeal wasn't waking him up... _No_ , he told himself, _you're only seeing what you fear most._

"But Konnan," the man restraining the boy called, "we already have our sacrifice." He shook the kid a little, eliciting a heartbreaking whimper. 

Pushing aside all fear of death and painful thoughts of Angeal, Zack spoke without hesitation. "Let him go. I'll take his place." 

"You will come willingly?" Konnan asked, smiling with mock gentleness. (Like Lazard, Zack's memory shouted to him before he could shut it up.) "If we release that one, you'll go in his stead?" 

"Yes." 

"You see, brothers? Leviathan's chosen longs for his destiny, though he knows not what it is. This is the one he will reward us for, as he promised me. This is the one we have waited for." 

"I agreed to take his place," Zack said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "Let him go." 

"Of course. As soon as we assure your compliance. Bring me a yowai thorn." 

Zack's Wutainese had gotten very good and he could speak it with near fluency, but that word was one he couldn't identify. It definitely wasn't a good thing, though, judging by the large green thorn the leader approached him with, with a sharp point that was red and looked poisonous. 

"Wh-What is that?" 

"Don't be afraid," Konnan said gently, evoking Lazard again. "This will just make you relax, and make everything easier. Hold out your arm." 

"Let the kid go and I will." 

"He will be released as soon as I prick you. Now, do as I say, or Warui will have no qualms at all about cutting the little brat's throat." 

Zack offered his arm, trying in vain to seem calm as his sleeve was pushed up. Konnan's fingers lingered over the soft skin for a moment, as though in fascination, and then there was a pain like a sharp pinch. Zack saw with relief that the kid was released with a warning to tell no one of this if he valued his life, and disappeared into the trees. If he could make it to the village without encountering any fiends or getting lost, he would be fine. 

Weakness was spreading through Zack's limbs like the warmth of a blanket, and he was about to automatically curse his decreased level of mako again when he realized it was the thorn, the substance that it had injected into his bloodstream. It relaxed all his muscles, dampened the panic, stopped the adrenaline that wouldn't have been enough anyway. His legs wobbled, then buckled, and the panic he could still summon flared as Konnan caught him and brought the boy's body to rest against his own. 

Something wasn't right - the look this man had had in his eyes, and now the way he was holding Zack, embracing him like Angeal would, running his fingers through the mussed spikes, speaking in a reverent tone. 

"That's it. Mighty Leviathan, I thank you for this gift. It will be my pleasure to bring him to you." 

"I bet it will," one of the others snickered. 

"Do you dare imply that I am led by my own desires? Don't blaspheme. This one is pledged to Leviathan." Konnan lowered his face to breathe in the sweet smell of Zack's hair, to kiss his ear before whispering, "It is a pity. I would have liked more time with you. You are exquisite, but the god must be served." 

Numb with horror, Zack realized what this man was going to do to him. He struggled hard, tried to shout, but the venom of the yowai thorn severely compromised his ability to do both. The men only laughed softly, and Konnan's hand gently explored his weak body, as Zack fought pathetically, helpless as he had been in years too long ago to remember. 

"Seito, Fuyukai, get this place ready. We must begin at sunrise." 

_zazazaz_

Angeal began to stir as the first rays of light were peering through the window. With eyes still closed, he groped for Zack, wanting to hold the boy a little longer. When he found nothing but empty sheets, the commander sat up rigidly, wide awake, and flew out of the bed. He searched the house, telling himself to be calm, Zack wouldn't have just gone off like that again after last time. Nothing, only a note on the kitchen table that did nothing to dampen his rising hysteria. 

**Angeal, I'm sorry if you're worried. Don't be, I just needed to think by myself for awhile. I'll be back soon, and I'll be careful. I love you, however you feel about me. Zack.**

_However I feel? Puppy, I love you so much it terrifies me._

And he was terrified now. Angeal's SOLDIER training cautioned logic, steadiness of nerves, no letting emotions get in the way of rationality. But Taikan's warning was blaring in his head like an alarm. What if that cult really had returned, and Zack ran into them? Weakened from sickness and reduced mako, unarmed, frightened, maybe being hurt or raped this very moment? 

_STOP IT!_

Once certain that Zack was nowhere in the house or the back yard, Angeal raced down the long village street to Taikan's home. He had to bang on the door only a few times before the elder opened it, looking wide awake and immediately alarmed. 

"What is it?" 

"Please tell me Zack is here." 

"No." Taikan's eyes widened. "He is missing?" 

"Oh Gaia." Angeal rubbed furiously at his eyes. Now was not the time for tears, he needed to be able to see and think clearly. "If something's happened to him - " 

"We must stay calm. Now, you're sure he's not at home?" 

"Positive." 

"He doesn't like to be anywhere else in the village without either you or me with him," Taikan continued. "He would not patrol for fiends alone, would he?" 

"No, Zack's forbidden to take on monsters by himself. He hasn't been getting his usual mako lately and he's not used to fighting in this weakened state. Gaia, he didn't take his sword, he's completely defenseless - " 

"You must be strong, my friend," the elder said firmly. "Zack is strong. According to our custom, he is a child, but he is not so in his mind and capability." 

"Taikan," Angeal choked out, "that cult you told me about...what if...Zack was raped, that's why we're here, raped by my own friend because I didn't watch him well enough...if they...if it happens again..." 

Taikan seemed unsuprised by the confession, though saddened. "If it is them, we have no time to waste. That clearing you use for training was their preferred spot for rituals." 

"Thank you." Heart thudding loudly, Angeal turned to go. 

"I will gather some things and follow you! My magic may be of help." 

Angeal heard him but waited not a second longer. At a run, he could arrive in ten minutes. He prayed that he would be in time to keep his puppy from breaking further. 

**To be concluded.**


	5. Doomed To Repeat

**DOOMED TO REPEAT  
Part 5 of the Like A Dance series**

The large man called Warui, solid and broad with the figure of a bodybuilder, had been elected to restrain Zack while the altar was set up. Though one could hardly call it restraint. Zack was so weak that he could barely move, only dangle helplessly from the thick arms that cradled him. This man seemed more professional than the others in carrying out his duties and held him securely without touching him further. It wasn't much of a comfort. Konnan stood nearby as he supervised the work of the others, and now and then ran his fingers down Zack's cheek, talking in a whisper about how he was looking forward to this and laughing softly when Zack tried to squirm away from him. 

The ones who answered to Seito and Fuyukai busied themselves with laying out a large, circular blue cloth that seemed to evoke the swelling and falling waves of the sea. It was secured to the grass and dirt with several metal poles set around its circumference, and four brass plates displaying images of Leviathan in both man and snake form were put down, one in each cardinal direction. As the place was made ready, Konnan took a perverse pleasure in telling his intended victim what lay in store for him. 

"As the sun ascends the sky, I will invoke Leviathan. His being will inhabit my body and join with you, give you the honor of being the consort of a god. Don't worry, he always makes it pleasant. See that white cloth they are laying out? With that I'll catch your virgin blood, your offering to the lord of Wutai, and we will bury it by the sea for him to claim. But first we will kill you, painlessly, and your soul will be joined to Leviathan for all time, easing his loneliness, bringing him pleasure. That's not a bad fate, is it, to the be the mate of a god?" 

It hurt to say, it hurt to think of, but Zack saw a chance and he took it. "Not...a virgin." 

Warui looked questioningly at Konnan, who seemed startled for a moment before he recovered his self-assurance and spoke. "Of course you are, lying will do you no good. You're a child." 

"Not in Midgar," Zack insisted, with difficulty. "That's...where I'm from. Not a child. Not a virgin." 

Konnan stepped around to face them and, without warning, thrust his hand between Zack's legs. Warui held him tighter as a precaution, but it was hardly necessary. Zack could only whimper and squirm uselessly as Konnan massaged gently and smiled down at him in triumph. 

"Who but an untouched would react to pleasure with fear? You are a virgin. Leviathan has told me so. He wants you and he will have you, so you should just accept it." 

"He does come from a culture unlike ours," Warui said gruffly. "And as you say, he is lovely. It's not inconceivable that someone got to him before we did. Maybe there's another reason he's afraid to be touched." 

Konnan shot him a withering glare, and Warui, though bigger and stronger, recoiled. "To doubt my word is to doubt Leviathan's. Be very careful, brother." 

"Of course. I apologize, I spoke without thought." 

"We're ready!" Seito called. 

Warui carried Zack to the center of the large cloth and carefully laid him down. Konnan stood just outside the altar's perimeter in a worshipful stance and closed his eyes to softly pray. He lifted his arms after a few moments and remained in that position, as though he were drawing something into himself from above. Inside Zack, panic and shock were fighting each other, wobbling back and forth like plates on a scale struggling for abalnce. If he couldn't get away or stop this he would prefer the numbness, like the kind that had followed him from Lazard's apartment to his own and been much less painful than the sobbing and vomiting that came after. 

But the fear refused to be subdued, now. Rape was no longer just an ugly word to Zack, a horrifying thing that happened to people he didn't know far away. Rape was unfamiliar hands probing, mouths that opened on his skin and swallowed pieces of his soul, pain in places so deep that he had never known they could hurt or break. It felt like a germ Genesis had somehow implanted. Was it something everyone could see? Something that told them this was okay, that he was already infected by this sickness, so there was no reason others should not have him the same way, nothing left in him that deserved to be honored and respected? 

_But Angeal thinks there is. Angeal loves me, I can't be nothing if Angeal loves me..._

Thinking of Angeal's warmth and safety only pushed the rising numbness down and let a choking sadness fill the space it left. Zack cried with such heartache that Fuyukai, who was stripping him, began to do so more slowly and with exaggerated gentleness, thinking that would help. The one whose name Zack hadn't heard knelt behind his head and gently stroked his hair and wet cheeks. Seito, who was arranging small bowls of sea water around the clearing, kept looking over with the perturbed, slightly guilty expression they were all three wearing. They had all been through this plenty of times before, often with even younger victims, and this one bothered them more than they thought he should. 

Maybe it was because the others, even the ones they used the yowai thorns on, fought and cursed and threatened and bribed until their strength was spent. This one, though upset, seemed to have accepted defeat, and still would not lay still and continued to quietly panic. Maybe it was because these three were, in their misguided way, genuinely devoted in their hearts to Leviathan, and it wounded them to see someone wearing the sacred stone and with eyes the exact same color whimpering like a wounded animal. 

Or it could have been Zack's looks altogether. The victims were chosen for beauty but also accessibility, and they'd never had one as pretty as this, or one that it seemed such a waste of youth and purity to destroy. None of them questioned, as Warui had, whether the boy was definitely a virgin. He was not eighteen yet, he seemed so innocent, and coupled with their belief in and fear of Konnan, that was enough to convince them. 

"Hey, ssh," the nameless one said uncertainly. "It'll only hurt a little bit, and then you'll live forever as the consort of Leviathan. He's a kind god, he'll take better care of you than any mortal could." 

The boy shook his head, unable to escape the hands that were cupping it, and softly wept what sounded to them like a name. "Angeal..." 

"Your loved ones will be with you again someday," Fuyukai reassured, "Leviathan will make sure of that. Right, Zankoku?" 

"Absolutely. You'll be fine until then, happy. Ssh, he'll be here soon, and you'll see, everything will be all right." 

"I am here." 

It was Konnan's voice, only deeper and more solemn than usual. The other men bowed their heads, and all but Zankoku quickly scrambled off the altar and stood in a semi-circle facing the figure that approached its victim. Konnan looked no different, except that he was standing in a rigidly straight posture that was meant to indicate dignity, and he had put on a deep blue robe that covered his sides and back and swept the ground like an incoming tide, leaving his front naked. He approached Zack with a benevolent smile, and straddled the shaking boy who was nude save for the blue stone he wore. Konnan fingered it with a satisfied nod. 

"You have done well, my children. You have brought me my chosen one at last. You will be greatly rewarded, and you..." He waved Zankoku's hand away to caress a wet cheek. "You will be mine forever. When the planet breathes its last and the stars fall into the void, I will hold you and love you still." 

His hand descended Zack's body and began to stroke him. The boy cried out in terror and refusal, and Konnan made a hushing sound. 

"All the regrets you carry, all the unfulfilled dreams, all the sadness. I will wipe it all away. Death is oblivion. Eternal life with me will be paradise." 

Beneath his feigned confidence, Konnan was growing nervous. Why wasn't the boy getting hard as the others had? But there was a foolproof way. He put out his hand, and with a bow of the head Zankoku offered his god the open jar of oil. It was scented to smell like the sea, to remind Leviathan of his home, and earlier Zack's wrists and ankles had been lightly anointed with it as a method of binding. 

Now Konnan swirled his fingers in it and put the boy's legs over his shoulders to expose him. They almost always reacted with fear and discomfort and embarrassment while being prepared, but this one seemed to be having some sort of panic attack. His smooth white face went paler and ghostly, his mouth fell open and he began to exhale rapidly and with a noise that was like a subdued scream. The sound grew longer and longer and was accompanied by violent shaking as Konnan found his target and massaged it, but he got what he wanted. The flaccid organ in his other hand began to harden and grow. 

"For you I have borne millennia of loneliness. For you I crawled out of the sea that's hidden me from the scorn of man." 

Zack's eyes rolled back but he blinked and kept them open, and between the moans he couldn't repress he seemed to be trying to speak. "Nnn...Leviathan..." was all Konnan caught, and he leaned down to put his ear to the boy's lips. 

"What's that, my precious? You have something to tell me?" 

"Not Leviathan," the boy was saying, with the defiance drugged out of his body alive in his weak voice. "You're not...Leviathan." 

"Maybe not," Konnan whispered, "but he speaks to me. I believe that and so do they. Maybe he will tell me that I should keep you instead of killing you. But first..." 

The man lubricated himself with the oil and pushed the victim's legs to his chest. It was important that he retain as much of this god-like dignity as possible during the act, so he took slow, deep breaths as he lined himself up, savoring the anticipation of the wonderful heat he was about to feel. He would wait until he could resist no longer...a few more moments...and... 

Something like a human whirlwind was in the clearing and upon them before anyone knew what was happening. The blurry figure of a large man wielding a huge sword circled the altar, swinging ferociously and leaving each observer a bloody and mangled mess on the ground. Konnan thought quickly, as was typical of him, and only of himself, which was also typical. By the time the mysterious rescuer had killed all his comrades and stood facing him with a feral rage in his eyes, Konnan was holding Zack in front of him and had a sharp ritual knife against his throat. 

"Release him, or you will suffer more than you can imagine," the intimidating intruder snarled. 

Konnan was terrified of this man, who looked like he could kill with one finger, but he saw fear in the glowing eyes as well, and that reassured him. "I don't think you'll risk attacking me while I have the boy. Come any closer and I'll slit his throat. If you back off and let us both leave safely, I'll let him go unharmed." 

Nearly shaking with fury, Angeal sheathed his Buster Sword and put his hands up. "Just let him go. Do it now and I'll allow you to escape with your life. I don't care about you, I only want him." 

"Leviathan," Zack murmured, his head lolling back in a drugged daze. 

"See?" Konnan said madly, desperately. "He wants _me_! He knows! I speak for the god!" 

"Do you?" a watery, rumbling voice intoned, coming from nowhere and yet booming all around them. It was inhuman, powerful, and it filled those who heard it with fear, except for Zack, who smiled as though he recognized it. "Konnan of Anzen, son of Wutai, you dishonor me by destroying in my name. Release the boy or be consigned to the hell of the deepest depths for all eternity!" 

Eyes bulging, whimpering pleas like a man broken of his sanity, Konnan let Zack fall out of his arms and scambled backward across the blue cloth, cowering in fear of what he couldn't see. Angeal lifted Zack and held him close with one arm, and with the other swung his sword and severed Konnan's head with one stroke. The Buster fell from his hand, forgotten, and he was kneeling on the rumpled cloth, holding Zack tightly, rocking him and kissing him and telling him it was all right now, and wondering in a panic why Zack wasn't speaking or hugging him back. 

"Puppy." The pale face looked at him blankly, he had to shake it before the eyes began to see him with any sign of recognition. "Puppy!" 

Zack's mouth worked but made no sound. The blue eyes that had always been so lively and fascinating were dulled, the only brightness in them that of pain. Zack's hands patted him awkwardly, but in confusion, like he didn't know what was happening. Like the real Zack had finally broken under this strain. 

"Zack, come back to me. Don't leave me." More confusion, more hurt, maybe because the boy had never seen Angeal cry, much less sob. "I love you, I'm so sorry, please don't be gone..." 

Zack mouthed something that looked like "Leviathan". He kept doing it, clumsily wrapping one hand around the stone and reaching the other upward. The sky his fingers sought was changing rapidly. The stormclouds gathered so fast that the darkness was like the shadow of a great beast falling over them. As the first drops hit them, Angeal adjusted his hold on Zack and was about to get him somewhere dry, but the boy smiled at the rain. He closed his eyes, opened his mouth and breathed in, spreading his arms to let it fall over him. 

Rain. Water. The healing element, Angeal remembered, could it be...? An agonizing few seconds passed, and the eyes opened to look at him, filled with tears but life as well. 

"Angeal." 

Zack hugged him back this time, clung to him with relief and need, sought his mouth and kissed him without restraint. The cool rain trickled over his skin and made it slippery to the touch, but Angeal held him easily, clasping Zack to his own body heat as tightly as he could. There was no fear for now, no hesitation, no whispers of "Bad". Zack was making it clear that he wanted more than safety, and Angeal's fervent kisses answered that it was his already. 

Neither noticed Taikan's arrival until he was right in front of them, looking relieved and even a bit amused as he shrugged off his cloak and offered it. Angeal took it gratefully and wrapped it around Zack, but couldn't stop himself from snapping "What took you so long?" 

"Well, the rain is all Leviathan, but that voice was tricky to do. Anyway, my friend, I could ask you the same question," the elder said with a smile. 

_zazazaz_

Angeal got Zack home as quickly as he could, protectively holding him away from the concerned eyes of the villagers. Zack quietly insisted that he wasn't hurt, but out of kindness to his teacher's worry he drank a Potion anyway. Angeal had thought he would be reluctant to be touched for a while, but as they stood together in the shower and he gently washed the morning's horrors from the boy's body, Zack clung to him and pressed his lips to Angeal's chest and neck. He thrust urgently, having returned to hardness, and came in Angeal's waiting hand with a soft moan. 

"Good?" the commander asked as the water cleaned the semen away. 

"Good," Zack murmured. "Always good with you. Everything. Please..." 

"I'm yours, Puppy, if you're certain that's what you want." 

"Always been sure." Zack snuggled closer and twined his fingers into Angeal's wet hair. "Always been yours." 

Taikan had identified the drug that the boy had been given and assured them that it would flush out of his system on its own, and that sleep would speed it along. Zack sighed with contentment as he was gently dried off and dressed, and didn't argue when Angeal put a cup of Taikan's special tea to his lips. They curled up together on Angeal's bed (their bed now, as all belonging to either of them would henceforth be) and Zack was petted and kissed softly until he fell into a peaceful sleep. One arm was latched securely around Angeal, and the other hand clasped the blue stone he still refused to take off. The sky outside was flawless blue, with no sign that the earlier rain had ever been. 

_zazazaz_

Much as he wanted to keep his eyes on his puppy every moment, Angeal was feeling too vigilant after so much panic to sleep or rest. After a while he carefully left the bed and paced the house, wondering how he would handle everything that was to come. Zack was his now, that was not negotiable. ShinRa would probably not even try to interfere, though Zack's age when they were first acquainted and the previous nature of their relationship would likely raise questions. Lazard could make trouble if he wanted to, that was a serious concern. 

Then the message from Sephiroth came, and Angeal resolved furiously that there would be no time for Lazard or Genesis to do anything more at all. Zack would have to be told, though it would hurt him as it hurt Angeal. He had been foolish, maybe, not to kill them immediately in spite of the risks and Zack's overly-soft heart, to simply take Zack away and hide him from the problem. 

Those who don't learn their lessons are doomed to repeat them, the old adage went, but Angeal pushed it angrily away. Rape was a cruelty, it taught nothing. If anything, the lesson was that people don't really change. Even if, beneath the hatred and betrayal, you hope they will. 

Zack must have been awake or nearly so. His eyes slowly blinked open to look into Angeal's when a hand caressed his face, and when he weakly tried to sit up, strong arms enfolded him and he was brought to a warm, broad chest. 

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" 

"Uh-huh." Dullness had crept back into the boy's voice. "Angeal?" 

"Yeah, Puppy?" 

"Nowhere is safe, is it?" 

The arms tightened, lips pressed reassurance into his hair and skin. "I'm going to make it safe, as I should've done in the first place. I promise, I'll make it safe, once and for all." 

"We're going home, aren't we?" 

"Yeah, Pup. We're going home." _I can't keep this from him_ , Angeal knew, but still, right up to this moment, he wondered if he could bear to tell him. "I got a message from Sephiroth while you were asleep." 

"Someone...else?" 

"He's going to be all right, and so are you. It will never happen again." 

Zack was shaking again, his breath beginning to heave. Angeal saw that the panic was coming upon him fast and quickly put his fingers to the usual pressure point, trying to stop it before it erupted into full-blown hysteria. Zack tried to squirm away, not wanting to be calm and comforted in the face of this horrible new knowledge, and Angeal had to hold him still, pressing kisses into his hair that the boy didn't think he deserved either but couldn't bring himself to protest. 

"Who? _Who?_ " 

"No one we know. A trooper in the army." 

"How old?" 

"Puppy, he'll be taken care of, it's all right - " 

" _How old?_ " 

Angeal sighed heavily, painfully. The answer made the crime more unforgivable, if anything could. "Fourteen." 

The wail that followed had more anger in it than any other Angeal had heard during their time in Wutai, and he tensed, remembering the last time Zack had allowed himself to express anger and the one he had turned it on. He couldn't, never would, forget that blank expression and the bloody kitchen floor. He would restrain Zack if he had to, or better yet, maybe he could get him to vent it on Angeal himself. This feeling had to come out, somehow... 

Zack's hands did claw at Angeal's shoulders, but only to get a better grip on him, to try to push them closer together than physics would allow. The boy was shaking his head, and Angeal cupped the back of it and the soft mussed hair, not to stop him but only to let his presence be felt. It was coming, he could feel Zack's heart racing against his own, and the heat of his skin. 

"I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM I HATE THEM HOW COULD THEY, HOW COULD _ANYONE_ \- " 

Sobs were beginning to replace the shouted words. Angeal held on to Zack and waited, knowing that some of the poison was draining out at last. 

"I TRUSTED HIM! I BEGGED THEM TO STOP, AND HE LAUGHED! I...I didn't..." 

"I know, Zack. I know." 

"I didn't want...I swear..." 

"I know, Puppy." Angeal's hand worked its way slowly down to the nape of Zack's neck and stroked the warm skin. "You did the only thing you could. You survived." 

A weak laugh came, an unexpected but welcome sound. "You sure about that?" 

"Yes. If you hadn't, I wouldn't be here either." 

"Angeal. You're not just doing this because I want it, are you?" 

The 1st drew back a little to let Zack see the sincerity in his eyes. "I fought this battle for a long time, and I would've kept fighting it forever rather than risk losing you. Your feelings for me just mean that I can surrender at last. But, Pup, it's important you understand this - I never expected this from you. I didn't choose you or fall in love with you for that." 

"I know," Zack assured him. "I didn't believe Genesis as much as I...wanted to believe that you could love me. The way I love you, I mean." 

"I love you. Never doubt that. And nothing will ever change it." 

Zack sought Angeal's lips slowly, not because he was hesitant but to savor the feeling of being drawn irresistably into the soft kiss that followed. A hand stroked his cheek as their mouths opened, gently brushing the tears away. When they broke apart at last, the boy buried his face in Angeal's neck, nuzzling what was fast becoming one of his favorite spots. Angeal's comforting fingers were everywhere, combing through his hair and massaging his back and running up and down his hip, and his lips teased a trail of kisses from jaw to shoulder and back again. 

"What if they separate us?" An old fear, nearly a primal one, because there had never been such a thing as alone since Angeal came into his life, and he was afraid of losing that, losing him, more than anything. 

"I will never let anyone take you from me." 

Angeal said this with such simple conviction that Zack nodded, satisfied. Angeal had spoken the truth, though he knew it might be a tricky thing to pull off. Though Zack seemed unaware of it (as he was so charmingly oblivious about his sweetness and beauty), he was a prized ShinRa asset, expected to become a legend. That could work in their favor, in that ShinRa would be eager to keep him happy and give him anything he wanted, or they could panic at the thought of their pet prodigy being corrupted by his teacher. The former was far more likely, but with a double-murder factored into the equation... 

"Just promise me something?" Zack whispered. 

"What, Puppy?" 

"If you have to leave SOLDIER, you'll take me with you." 

"That won't happen. But I promise." 

_Seph, I hope you come up with a good plan._

_zazazaz_

The chopper brought them to a landing pad in the city itself, not directly at ShinRa. Angeal was determined that they should arrive home as inconspicuously as possible, so they waited until the late night to quietly walk the familiar hallways that led to Angeal's apartment. Their apartment, now. 

Their parting gift from Taikan (who had been moved to tears by the warm goodbye hug Zack had given him) was a large supply of the tea that induced sleep. When Angeal brought a large, steaming mug of it to the bedroom, Zack knew why, and looked at him with anxiety, pleading for something he himself could not have named. 

"I know you hardly slept last night, Pup. And I don't want you making yourself sick with worry. Get some rest, and I'll wake you when it's over." 

Zack's chin quivered. He could not ever remember being so afraid for his invincible mentor. "Promise?" 

"I promise. And you know I'll be careful. You'll see when you wake up. I'll be fine." 

"You better be. 'Cause if you're not, I can't be either." 

Zack tried to fight the drowsiness off as long as he could, but he was too tired, the herbs too potent, the arms that cradled him too comfortable. At last, Angeal laid him down on the bed and tucked a blanket around him, whispering that he'd be back soon. Angeal hadn't heard Sephiroth enter the apartment, but wasn't surprised to find him standing like a statue in the living room. The general offered a faint smile - the Sephiroth equivalent of a bear hug - and it was a jarring contrast to the anger lighting up his eyes. 

"Not going to dissuade me this time?" 

"No." 

"How is the boy?" 

Green and silver flared together, like mercury left poisoned. Ah, that was the source of this subdued rage. 

"He will be taken care of." Something in his voice seemed to imply that Sephiroth himself might be involved in this care, but he continued speaking before Angeal could do more than register that. "And Fair?" 

"Better. He'll feel safe, I think, when this is over. Please tell me you have a good idea." 

With no verbal answer or change of expression, Sephiroth lifted his famous sword off its magnet sheath and held it out. Angeal stared at him with what would have been to anyone else a highly amusing look of complete shock. Masamune was more sacred to Sephiroth than even the Buster was to Angeal. No one touched it but Sephiroth, save those who died on its blade. Even as his closest friend, Angeal had never been allowed to lay a finger on it. 

"Seph..." 

"It kills in a very distinct way. You are not used to it, but I have no doubt you'll find a way to compensate for that." 

"Seph." 

"If you go and return without being seen, they will have no choice but to assume it was me." 

Impeccably logical, as always. There was, as they both knew, really nothing short of outright rebellion that could get Sephiroth in any genuine trouble with ShinRa, he was just too valuable to them. Hojo would no doubt hastily come up with some medical explanation, the president would probably put on a stern face and remind the general that such actions were not to be tolerated, and Sephiroth would make a short, emotionless apology. It would all be forgotten after the next battle won or the next wave of SOLDIER hopefuls with stars in their eyes. 

"This could lead to more time in the lab. Tests and so on." 

"Then I'm sure you'll find a way to sneak in and mount a heroic rescue, as always," Sephiroth said dryly. "I can handle Hojo. Go. I will wait for you here in case Fair wakes up and tries to follow his own heroic impulses." 

_zazazaz_

Angeal had a few instances of good fortune on his side, the first being that the building's air ducts were laid out in a pattern that was easy to follow and keep track of. The second was that one shaft led to directly outside of Lazard's apartment, and the third that the override code Angeal knew worked even on this carefully-secured residence. Sephiroth had told him that he hadn't been able to keep it from Lazard and Genesis that Angeal and Zack were returning, and to be cautious in case they were prepared for him. 

Lazard hadn't prepared so much as surrendered and escaped in one blow, the strongest he had ever struck in all his cowardly life. Some or many explanations would be postulated for the cooling body on the bed and the discharged gun on the floor - stress, pressures of work, a lonely life truly shared with no one, rumors of an unacknowledged blood connection between the executive director and the president. The scribbled note left on the nightstand, though, made the reason clear. ' **I'm sorry.** ' Angeal took the note and folded it into his pocket, accepting it but not the apology. 

Genesis's place was fairly isolated, but to be safe, Angeal waited until he was certain no sounds of nearby movement could be heard before silently slipping out of the air duct and stealthily hurrying to the door. He was about to try the override code on the keypad lock when his hand on the doorknob moved easily, and a soft click informed him that the door had been left unsecured. He pushed it open and stepped inside, senses on full alert. 

Years earlier, when Angeal had been in the habit of stopping by for wine and conversation, he had laughingly told Genesis that his apartment looked like a cross between a feminine product commercial and a harem. These rooms full of luxurious fabrics and pieces of art and billowing curtains were hilariously unlike Angeal's taste for simplicity and Sephiroth's preference for things to be sleek and black. 

At some point after his last visit, Genesis had redone the place almost entirely in white, which made Angeal even more angry, though he wasn't sure exactly why. He moved slowly, through the dimness lit only by the blue-screen light of large TVs that were mysteriously placed all over. It was like some insane exhibition of abstract art. 

Angeal was about to call out, wanting to get this done before his emotions robbed him of his focus, when something came over all the screens at once. Instinctively he looked, and though he knew it might be a diversion, he froze in horror at what the TVs showed him. From different angles, both close-up and at a distance, his puppy, handcuffed to an unfamiliar bed, sobbing as Genesis leaned over him. 

_"Do you let Angeal see you like this? Does he protect you for your own sake or for his own possessiveness?"_

"You're sick! Don't talk about Angeal!" 

The nightmarish images were edited together so that the actions displayed flickered back and forth from one to the other, like a repressed memory surfacing in flashes. Genesis was forcing his fingers into Zack harshly, then gently, then thrusting into him and groaning with satisfaction as the boy tried to fight. Lazard was comforting, kissing, then taking his own turn with the body shocked into submission. Zack's arms were cuffed to the headboard, then around Genesis's neck and visibly shaking. Genesis spoke in his own voice, and in the likeness of his childhood friend's. 

_"But you would give this to him if he asked, wouldn't you?"_

"No!" 

"Everyone _wants to fuck you, little puppy. Angeal's no different. Remember that the next time he corrects your fighting stance or pins you. Remember that he'd rather be touching you as I am now."_

"Shut...up..." 

"Can you feel him, little puppy? Is that better?" 

"Yes, let me in, Puppy. It's time for your lesson, time to learn your proper place." 

"No!" 

"Ssh, it's all right, we'll make it good." 

"You're mine, no matter what happens now, you'll always remember you're mine. Who do you need, Puppy?" 

"Angeal, please - " 

"Good boy." 

The heat of a rage he had not thought possible spread through Angeal and allowed him to move again. With a terrifying bellow, he picked up the nearest TV and hurled it to the floor, where it crashed loudly and exploded into a million useless fragments. The sound on the other TVs went off, though the video continued, and a silky voice came from somewhere, chuckling with amusement. 

"You're missing the best part, Angeal. When I took him the second time, and the life left those pretty eyes as I filled him. I would know. He kept them open the whole time, and let me in so nicely - " 

"GENESIS! Come out and fight me! What kind of fucking coward are you, raping kids who can't fight back?!" 

"This is very unlike you, old friend. I was right, wasn't I? You want him. Have you sampled yet that sweet body I broke in for you? Have you seen for yourself how beautiful he is when he cries?" 

Angeal should have stayed calm and used his senses to locate his target, but his rage made that impossible. Instead he tore almost blindly through the apartment, smashing everything he touched, and shouting words that most people thought Commander Hewley didn't even know. Somehow, Genesis's calm, taunting voice rose above it. 

"Have you felt how tight your puppy is? I was gentle, and he still bled, and writhed as he milked my cock with his sweet little ass. He cried for you, Angeal, whimpered just like a baby puppy, but _I_ was the one who fucked him. It was me he clenched around when he came, and he loved it. Your puppy moaned like a whore." 

The last room, and as Angeal stepped through the doorway, Genesis appeared against the opposite wall. He managed to conceal his surprise at the weapon Angeal held as he brandished his own, but not fast enough. 

"Sephiroth too, hmm? The jealous friends join forces to betray the true hero." 

Angeal didn't care to riddle that out, didn't want explanations that would never be satisfactory, didn't want anything but Genesis dying slowly at his feet. But over twenty years of history, most of it as friends, out of all the hurt and confusion about how it could have fucking turned out like this, came a question that raced past the fury and murderous intent and burst out of Angeal's throat. One word to sum up a loss and a betrayal that infinite speech and time would not be able to answer. 

" _Why_?" 

"Why?" Genesis repeated, his eyes enraged and everything else about him tranquil. "Because you loved something pure, and now it will never be pure again. Because you cared for that boy more than your oldest friend. Because Sephiroth is mine, and you're _mine_ , and now the puppy is too. No matter what you do now, he will never forget who really had him first." 

As calm as Genesis seemed, he was ready when Angeal flew at him. There had never been one of them who was the acknowledged better. Sephiroth was the unrivaled best, and his two friends were the next best, pretty evenly matched when all things were considered. Angeal was bigger and stronger, Genesis faster and more flexible. Angeal's steadiness of nerves won out over the other's tendency to fly into a rage more often than not, but not by much. 

This time, Angeal was using an unfamiliar weapon, its quality and lightness not quite compensating for its strangeness, and he was now the one out of control, at the same disadvantage he used to caution Genesis about. 

With all this in the back of his mind, Angeal wasn't quite sure how he was winning. Maybe he had frightened Genesis at last, maybe Genesis was disheartened to know that however this ended, he would still face punishment, from Sephiroth if not Angeal. Maybe it was meant to be. The confidence on Genesis's face when he was disarmed was startling, but explained nothing. 

"Still mine, all of you. Do it if you're going to, Angeal. The Goddess wills. 'Nothing shall forestall my return - '" 

Masamune thrust, steadier than the hand wielding it had thought itself capable of. Genesis's eyes showed a faint surprise at last as his heart was pierced, at either the presumption of death or the mercy of his former best friend in ending it quickly. They didn't close until Genesis had slumped to the floor and lay still, and when they did, they seemed to do so in relief. 

Angeal stared emotionlessly at Genesis, his first sparring partner, the closest thing he had to a brother, the one he had gazed at the stars with as children and tried to read in them their fates. Intertwined, heroic, together always. That was how it was supposed to be. Angeal let himself grieve for what might have been, even if he couldn't mourn Genesis himself, and looked at the sleek blade in his hand. 

Clean. Masamune absorbed blood, or wouldn't accept the stains of it, or something. Even Sephiroth wasn't sure which, and the question had never seemed important. It was merely part of his legend, the sword that could not be sullied by pain or death. Angeal had never before this moment envied a weapon of war for its purity. 

_zazazaz_

He found Sephiroth waiting in the apartment's main room, looking out the wide window at the early morning sky and the vast grounds that had always been his home. As Angeal approached, he remembered Taikan's fond way of speaking about Sephiroth, and the word he'd used. Wounded. All warriors carry some sort of hidden pain. Maybe Sephiroth's was the reason Angeal passed the sword back with a gentle hand and a look of sympathy. Maybe it was only because Genesis had been his friend too. 

Sephiroth's expression remained a stubborn blank as he quickly looked Masamune over, nodded and sheathed it. Then he waited for Angeal to speak, sensing that words were needed and tilting his head curiously. 

"I'm sorry, Seph. But, you understand." 

"I would have done it myself, had you not had more right. And if I did not think you needed this. They hurt more than their victims, Angeal." 

"Lazard shot himself. So, they'll only ask you about Genesis." 

"I should go put on my crazy expression," the general said with a faint smile. "And perhaps give Dr. Hojo some warning. Smash something in the lab, for example." 

"Which I'm sure you aren't constantly wanting to do anyway," Angeal joked weakly. "Seph, sorry, but I'm gonna hug you." 

"The puppy is rubbing off on you," Sephiroth said in a tone of displeasure, but he allowed Angeal's arms to clasp him loosely, even let his chin rest a moment on Angeal's shoulder. Neither were the type to hug at all and hadn't done this with each other in years, but even Sephiroth seemed to understand the impulse, murmuring "We still have each other." 

"Yeah." Angeal caught himself squeezing his old friend and stepped back to recover his dignity. "Thank you." 

"I should go, and you should reassure your student. Sometime soon you must give me the latest news of Anzen." 

"Zack and I would like to go back sometime. You should go with us. The village elder seems to miss you." 

"Taikan?" A smile graced Sephiroth's perfect face. "I would...not be averse to seeing him again. He was of help to your student, I'm guessing." 

The words flew to Angeal's lips, the need to be honest sudden and unstoppable. "Zack isn't just my student." 

Sephiroth looked confused for a moment, but he wasn't _that_ oblivious, and he understood quickly. Now his expression flooded with concern. 

"Angeal, do you really think that's wise?" 

"I don't know if it's wise or idiotic. It just _is_." 

Sephiroth exhaled slowly. "Keep it quiet until the scandal of the deaths blows over. Once I'm back in the president's good graces, I will speak in support of this to he and the vice-president." 

"You anticipate trouble?" 

"They've spoken to me of Fair, Angeal. They expect that, with the proper care and guidance, he will become like us. That's why they gave him to you. And they allowed our best 3rd to disappear for seventeen months into the Wutaian wilderness only because I told them he would have a breakdown if they didn't. I will fight for you, Angeal, always. But be warned. You are his teacher and eight years his senior, and you had him alone and vulnerable a long time. They may try to reassign him." 

Sephiroth headed for the door, and nearly reached it. Angeal, with a feeling like his lungs were turning to stone, called to him in such a way that it became clear he was addressing not his friend but his superior, SOLDIER's highest-ranking and most influential officer. 

"General." 

Sephiroth turned, and with his unmatchable reflexes easily caught the vid-disk tossed to him. 

"If they, and you, need to see the hell that kid went through to be convinced that he deserves every bit of happiness he can get, go right ahead. I don't want to take him away from SOLDIER, which is what I promised to do if we're separated, and I don't want to cause any trouble. But there will be no investigation, no consequences, not a word spoken that could possibly upset him. What happened to Zack will _not_ be made public. He will _not_ be forced to choose between me and SOLDIER. And if they try to take him from me, I will bring this company crashing down on their heads." 

Sephiroth gave him another faint smile. "Understood, Commander." 

_zazazaz_

Zack awoke to the feel of fingers on his cheek and the whisper of his nickname, and a flood of relief to see Angeal and realize what that must mean. He sat up and flew at him so fast that they both nearly fell off the bed, and Angeal's warm arms and soft laughter were enfolding him. 

"You're okay? You're here and you're okay?" 

"I'm fine. Everything will be all right now. They're dead, no one will know it was me. And no one will separate us." 

Now Zack did push Angeal over and crawled to lay on top of him. Angeal held the boy's hips to keep him balanced and smiled between the slow kisses Zack pressed into his lips. After a few minutes, Zack let his head rest on Angeal's shoulder and ran his fingers up and down the broad arms that were around him. 

"Angeal?" 

"Yeah, Puppy?" 

"It's...safe now, right?" 

"Yes." Angeal understood. "This isn't like Curing a sword-wound, Pup. I don't expect you to be automatically okay. You still need time." 

"I need _you_." 

"You can have all you want of both," the commander said with a soft laugh. "But slowly." 

"You're gonna make me wait until it drives me insane, aren't you?" 

"I wouldn't be so cruel to my puppy. I just don't want you to rush yourself." 

"Angeal." Zack rested his chin on Angeal's chest, his pale eyes looking seriously over the short distance between their faces. "Were they...was he sorry at all?" 

"Genesis?" He said the name carefully, pleased that Zack didn't flinch. He ran one hand up and down the young man's back, and with the other pet his hair, wondering who was comforting who here. "No, Pup. He showed no remorse. Don't you apologize, none of this was your fault." 

"I know, but he was your friend." 

"The Genesis I knew and cared for was dead already. He would not have hurt you." 

"Did he say why?" Zack asked softly, instinctively moving closer and laying his head back on Angeal's shoulder. "I guess it doesn't matter. A reason won't change anything." 

"Why didn't you ask about Lazard?" Angeal asked, curious. 

"I know he felt bad a little, when it was over. In a way...it was worse with him, because it hurt less, but at the end, he looked...I don't know. Like he would have explained to me why he did it if he himself knew. Just for a moment." Zack laughed briefly, a bitter sound. "When I thought it was only me they did that to, I even felt sorry for him. Stupid, huh?" 

"No. You're just too good for ShinRa. And SOLDIER." Angeal turned his head to bring their faces close together. "And me." 

"Don't say that." Zack's voice was breathy, sounding aroused even when he tried to scold. "I love you." 

As their lips met, Zack reached down to unzip his pants and pushed them down, managing with some cooperative squirming to do the same to Angeal's. The pressure of their erections against each other was teasing but wonderful, enough to give a pleasure that didn't feel rushed. Angeal slid his hand beneath Zack's T-shirt to caress his back. When he tried to move it between them, Zack grabbed his wrist to keep it still, then slowly made it descend. 

Angeal couldn't stifle a quiet moan as he cupped the bare skin of those firm, round cheeks for the first time. Soft as everywhere else, toned, and sensitive if Zack's shivers were anything to go by. He caressed gently, followed the curve of each with his palm, and the young body pushed upward into the touch. 

"What is it, Puppy?" Angeal was amazed to find his voice working. "Tell me what you want." 

"Mmm...you. Inside. Please?" 

"Pup..." 

"Not...that, just...you." Zack meaningfully touched his fingers. "Just want to feel you." 

Angeal understood, as he usually did, smling both at the request and Zack's shyness. It wasn't hesitation, or at least not the kind that came from the memory of trauma. The boy was moving restlessly, from need, not from fear. 

"Look at me, Zack." 

He did, blue eyes hazy over a playful and seductive pout. "I'm okay. I know it's you and I'm okay. I'll tell you if I want to stop. I'm not asking for this because I just want someone who's not them. I know I don't have to do this and I know you love me. There, there's nothing left for you to say." 

Angeal smiled and traced Zack's lips with his fingers. "Look at me while I do it. I want to watch your eyes, okay?" 

They brightened and widened a little, alive with that winter-sky blue. The sweet mouth grinned widely, allowing Angeal to slip three fingers inside. 

"Get them wet." 

Excited and eager to make that obvious, Zack obeyed with enthusiasm, taking them in as deeply as Angeal would allow. His tongue laved them, top and bottom, and wiggled between to wet the sides of each as well. His eyes closed for this part and the commander didn't mind, raptly listening to the boy's satisfied humming and watching his pink lips grow damp as the fingers slipped in and out. They were well-coated with saliva as Angeal removed them and brought them to the cleft between the sculpted cheeks. 

Zack was calm as the first slowly breached the ring of tight muscle. The tip gently rocked in and out a few times before sliding deeper, wet skin delving into a world of wet heat. The boy's lips parted soundlessly at the exact moment Angeal let out a low groan. The slick little invader was meeting no resistance it couldn't handle. Breaching Zack was like dipping into some warm, exquisite oil that enveloped all it touched. Angeal felt his target close by, pulsing with anticipation like a tiny heartbeat, and swiped at it. 

"Oh!" Zack's eyes fluttered but dutifully remained open, and his grip on his mentor's shoulders tightened. "Oh Gaia, yes, that, that..." 

"You like that?" 

"More, more - " 

"Okay, Puppy. Relax, I'll give you more." 

Zack was thrusting upward again, trying to re-establish the stimulation. Angeal waited for him to calm a little, poising two fingers at the entance, and let them slide in. They didn't linger but went directly to the prostate and began to lightly massage it. 

"Angeal Angeal Angeal..." 

Zack was being faintly jostled by the fingers pushing into him and the heaving of his chest as he panted. The sapphire jewels of his eyes were glowing, even after the recent absence of their usual mako, and his lips were moving even when he wasn't speaking the name as a plea and a tribute. Angeal cupped the lovely face with his free hand and Zack turned into it, kissing and gasping into the palm. Angeal was mesmerized. He had never seen or felt anything so erotic. 

Three fingers now, a tight fit, but there was no complaint in the soft mewling noises that Zack made. The lids were beginning to droop over his eyes, making him look sleepy, but obedient as ever, he kept them open. He was rhythmically moving his hips to meet the fingers as they - gently, always gently - thrust against their target. 

"Okay, baby?" Angeal whispered. "You all right?" 

"Feels...so..." Zack couldn't hold a brilliant smile for more than a second, but Angeal saw it, and the passage he was exploring never once tensed enough to push him out. "Never thought...I could feel..." 

"Gaia, you feel so good, Pup." 

"Angeal, I...can't...gonna..." His squirming made it clear. They were both hard as rocks, and even the limited movement was rubbing them together. 

"Look at me, Puppy. That's it. You want to come with me?" 

"Fuck, Gaia, harder first, please," Zack babbled, trying to hold off. 

"Just a little." A bit deeper, faster, more forceful, and the innocent face went slack, the eyes began to roll. "Look at me." 

Somehow Zack did it, got his focus on Angeal as one hand carefully speared him and the other grasped his hip. His mouth worked uselessly, like a fish trying to breathe out of the water, but he smiled again, teetering on an ecstatic ledge as Angeal gazed at him with unconditional adoration. Safety had always been there in those affectionate brown eyes, and they enveloped him, would hold him forever. Was Angeal going to ask if he was okay? Surely he could see the perfection of this, the certainty his puppy was beaming back at him? 

"I love you," Angeal said simply, and that broke the floodgates. Everything inside tightened suddenly, not painfully, but enough to squeeze the prostate like a fist. The hand on Zack's hip guided him down, thrust them together, and they were shouting and spilling against each other, two tributaries of one white river shooting simultaneously into the sea. 

Zack collapsed onto Angeal's chest and an arm secured him there as the intense climax made him jerk and shake. His face fell into the shelter of a warm, familiar neck, and once he had enough control of himself, Zack found his favorite patch of skin and began to gently suckle at it. Angeal carefully removed his hand, wiped it on a handful of tissues and massaged the spent body on top of his own. It was a few minutes before he could think properly through this haze of absolute, unguarded happiness, and about the same amount of time before Zack was willing to stop tasting and speak. 

"I love you too," the boy said, his voice nearly overwhelmed by the emotion in it. "I want to be yours forever. Only you." 

"I'm yours. You're mine," Angeal murmured. "No one and nothing will take you from me. I promise." 

He turned his head just as the boy looked up to show a tearful smile. He kissed Zack and breathed him in until the spiky-haired head fell back to his shoulder of its own accord. Angeal laughed softly and felt Zack giggle, the vibrations of it penetrating the elder's skin and pouring like a healing balm onto his heart. Zack must have been sick of sleeping and Angeal hadn't meant to exhaust him, but he couldn't help looking forward to a couple hours of holding his puppy through whatever dreams came and reveling in this bliss. 

"My tired pup," he said fondly as Zack comfortably shifted. "How do you feel?" 

A laugh was the first answer, not a normal one expressing amusement or its bitter, wordless opposite. It was half a sob, in fact, full of disbelief or wonder or maybe the beginning of tears. Angeal was alarmed and ready to comfort, to blame himself, above all to fix what was wrong. 

"Zack? Puppy, talk to me." 

"I'm fine." That laughing sound remained beneath the words. "Really." 

"You can tell me. It's okay to be upset, just tell me." 

"I'm not, it's not that. It's..." A real laugh now, that was reassuring. 

"What is it?" 

"I feel," Zack whispered, "safe." 

**THE END**


End file.
